Him & I (Løren)

But ur kinda a hoe

Is it possible? Could it be possible? Multiple soulmates, it shouldn't be possible. But it is. I am living proof, right on my arm lays the words of Loren 'Please talk to me' the words spell out, new words popping up every few minutes.

Back in high school, this is all I wanted, but now? I also have Taehyung, whose voice I am definitely hearing in my head.

Now I had to figure this all out, Loren and Taehyung, Loren OR Taehyung? Do I want both? Do I want neither? Do I give Loren a real chance even though he didn't ask for one? Does he want a chance or is this another game? What is it he wants to gain from this?

And Taehyung is too sweet, dinner with him was amazing. He took me to a rooftop deck, which he rented out for us. He respects my privacy, he has never done anything to hurt me. He is a gentleman from head to toe. But what if I give him that chance and he uses it to hurt me, I'm not his first soulmate, he said it himself.

What am I doing? 

Why do either of them matter so much? They don't, but I can't help but feel the pull. To both of them.

I'm a mess.

"I'm gonna call my therapist in the morning," I mumble to myself.

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At one point or another life throws a curve ball, a crossroads. You have to choose, what you fantasize about what you want or what you need, What you fear, or what you need to face, Life or death, sad success or a career based on your fantasies, living for yourself or living for others, one guy or the other.

And anyone can say it's easy to choose, that they can make that decision. But when actually faced with it, we really cannot fathom an answer. I am one of those people.

But there is no better way to run from your problems then making millions, so instead of moping about what I should do I got up and went to work.

Now if I was anyone else maybe I could have escaped through working, but I'm practically walking into a lion's den as I step into the YG lobby.

Quickly rushing into the nearest elevator, I keep my eyes low, I'd rather not face anyone at the moment. Perhaps the cold environment matches the look on my face, or maybe it's just me. Either way, I felt dread. Maybe guilt, maybe I was too harsh? Is it right to let myself choose, how do I? Between Loren and Taehyung. How is that fair to either of them? How is it fair to me?

The universe is cruel, but life is crueler.

It's screaming 'you're free to choose but you are not free from the consequences of you're choice.' It's a paradox, there is no way out. I won't ask them to choose, it's wrong, and inhumane either way. How do I break a heart knowing what it feels like?

I entered my studio, a black satin shirt lay pinned to the body of the mannequin. Unfinished, raw, how do I stop thinking about Loren when he surrounds my life, I work with him, I can hear him, feel him. I have a soul bond with him but what does that mean when disrespected by the other party?

The harder I try to work the deeper I fall into my thoughts, not focusing on where my hands were working on the fabric caused me to slice my palm. Not a gash but big enough to bleed and sting.