To Whom It May Concern

My Fault

I'm sorry.

I'm so fucking sorry.

I fucked up so many times, I'm amazed people trust me still. All of it's accidents, I never mean any of it. It happens, and I can't take it back because I've already ruined the relationship that we've had. I can't go back. But damn do I wish I could.

I'm sorry I'm so pushy. That I'm constantly ruining things for people to get what I'm looking for. Which is such a horrible thing to do, it's makes it seem like I think I'm better than them, or that what I want is more important, but it's not. I don't know what why I do it, but I wish I didn't. Maybe I ruin things because I forget to take into consideration other people's feelings because I move on impulses. Maybe it's my brain wired to think that if I don't try to get what I want the moment I want it, then I'll never get another chance and there goes the opportunity. Maybe.

I'm sorry I'm constantly shutting myself down. Constantly shutting you out. Constantly lying about things I have no need to lie about. I'm sorry I have trouble telling you what's wrong. I don't want to make you feel obligated to help me. You have other things to take care of, I'm just a constant nuisance. I know it's not healthy to keep it bottled up, but I don't want to share it. It doesn't feel important enough to share, no one's going to care much., and it will pass like a fall breeze. I think I can deal with it on my own.

I think.

I'm sorry I tend to disappoint. You thought I have so much potential, that I would be good at so many things. But I'm not even good at the things I thought I was. I'm lazy, I procrastinate, I shut people out and shut myself down. I act all high and mighty and that I know what I'm talking about, but I know that they can tell that all I'm saying is a bunch of bullshit. Useless words. Useless feelings.

Everything horrible that happened in my life I brought on myself. Everything horrible that's happened to the people I care about is my fault. I can be blamed for everything. I probably am blamed for everything. I'm sorry.

I never meant for anything to happen.

I'm so sorry.