To Whom It May Concern

I Wish I Wouldn't Miss

Looking at past dates is hard.
Calendars make me wanna cry and throw anything near me against a wall at the same time. I miss lots of things. I miss friends, family, moments, memories, everything.

I hate change. Everyone always says that change is good. That life's all about mixing things up. But change scares me. It throws me out of my comfort zone and I'm left in the middle of an unfamiliar area terrified and vulnerable. Then I start adapting to the change and begin to change myself.
I miss my old self.

I miss my old life. I miss being able to tell my closest friends my deepest secrets like it was nothing. I miss seeing my closest friends. I miss having real friends you didn't have to hide things from. How can the people that you sit and talk with everyday know nothing about you?

I miss the feeling of feeling. I wish I didn't feel as empty as I do sometime. Everything just blurs together, as if everything that's passing by is unimportant. But then what is important? Why don't I care anymore? I wish I did. It would make everything easier.

I want to remember everything. If I can't stop missing my old life, then I'm going to remember everything I can. But pictures don't do the memories justice. Words don't describe the moments. And as the minutes tick by, the past becomes fuzzy. And then I don't remember.