The First Time

19.

Meredith quickly made her way back into Derek's room, blushing all the way. She didn't know what to make of it all. She was sure that Kathleen's intention hadn't been to make her feel inadequate but all she'd done was make Meredith realize just how different she was from what they considered 'normal'.

Kathleen and David were wonderful, but it was obvious that they found it natural to accept Derek and whoever he was with, as his bed partner. No doubt over the years, he'd had a few. And sure that's what she'd wanted to be at first but she had come to realize today that she wanted more than that.

She wanted to be part of this normal, caring, functional, family.

It was nothing like what she'd grown up with. These people all cared deeply for one another and that was more important than anything. You could see it in their eyes, their actions, their teasing of one another.

She didn't want to just sleep with Derek anymore ... although she certainly wanted to do that. But now, she wanted more.

She wanted to be his partner. She wanted to be his ONLY partner. She hated to think of him with anyone else. And not just in bed.

The realization was like walking into a brick wall.

She stood at the end of the bed wondering how she was meant to proceed now that she had this new realization on board.

She was still standing there stunned when Derek walked in from the bathroom. He was wiping his mouth on a towel, having obviously just cleaned his teeth and said "All set? I got out a new toothbrush and left it on the counter for you and there's a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt there as well." He looked at her wondering why she hadn't moved. "Earth to Meredith? Is everything okay?" he asked.

Startled by his comments, Meredith opened her hand to look at the small box of tampons in her hand.

"Are they okay? Is there something wrong with them?" He asked concerned.

"Um ... No ... they're fine." She said. "I might just go and have a shower." She said indicating the bathroom.

"O ... kay." Derek said realizing that she wasn't quite telling him everything. There was definitely something here that he was missing. "Do you need your bag from the car? If you want I can go and get it?" he said listening to the wind and rain outside and hoping that she would say no.

"Um... no." Meredith replied. "Maybe in the morning. I have fresh clothes in there, but I don't need them for now."

"U huh." Derek said standing beside the bed as Meredith moved towards the adjoining bathroom. "Um ... do you have a preference for side?" he asked.

Meredith paused for a moment looking at him as if he'd just asked her for the recipe for world peace. "I have no idea. I've never actually slept with someone before." She said, realizing just how different they really were. "So I guess that anything is fine. You choose." She said as she moved away into the adjoining bathroom and out of earshot.

Derek smiled. His heart swollen with love. "I already have." He said softly, following her with his eyes.

GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA

Meredith woke early the next morning but she couldn't move.

Nor did she want to.

Derek was spooned around her body, his muscled arms around her and he was holding her hand. He was so close; she could feel his warm breath on her shoulder.

She had no idea how long they had been in that position but if she had her way she would never move. The feeling of having him so near was something that she wanted to maintain for as long as possible.