The First Time

21.

Derek didn't want to do this. But he knew that he had to. It was one of those things that wasn't going to go away just by ignoring it. It would only get worse.

Reluctantly he reached for the phone wanting to get it over and done with. He dialed the number that he knew so well and waited, hoping that no one would be home and that he would be able to delay the inevitable a little longer.

"Hello?" came the reply and he took a deep breath to prepare himself for a conversation that he knew was not going to go well.

"Kathleen?" Derek asked, she sounded like she had been running.

"Derek? Are you all right." She instantly sounded concerned.

"Yes. I'm fine." He assured her.

"But I mean ... are you REALLY all right?" she asked again. She didn't want the automatic answer. She knew that he'd never want them to worry. No doubt that was why he hadn't said anything to them earlier.

"Yes. I'm REALLY fine. There's nothing wrong with me." he confirmed again.

"Then how ... why..." Kathleen had no idea how to proceed if in fact he was telling the truth ... which he always did. "But ... don't you like her?" she asked.

"Of course I do." Derek replied swiftly.

"Then how ... why ..." Kathleen began again. She was more puzzled than ever.

"How and why what?" Derek asked.

Kathleen knew that they were going around in circles. She was just going to have to come out with it. Surely Meredith hadn't lied to her because she was embarrassed to admit that they were sleeping together. It wasn't like she'd be the first girl to share Derek's bed. But maybe she came from a different type of background. One that made it difficult to admit to what they were doing because she was afraid of the disdain that it may be met with when she was looking for their approval. Maybe she just hadn't wanted to admit it to Kathleen. "I know that it's none of my business really but ... she said that you weren't sleeping together?"

"I can't believe how that would have come up in polite conversation but she's right. We haven't." Derek confirmed.

Kathleen didn't know whether to be happy or sad at the reply. She was relieved that Meredith hadn't lied to her but there was a small part of her that wished that she had. Then she wouldn't still need to be so concerned about Derek. But it seemed that much at least, of what Meredith had said was right. Kathleen figured that she may as well push on with the rest and find out one way or the other what was going on.

"Because you won't?" Kathleen asked looking for confirmation. Maybe she'd misunderstood and it was Meredith that was delaying things. That would be understandable.

"I assure you that's only temporary." Derek assured her.

So it was Derek that was holding out. "But ... do you have a ...um..." what was she supposed to say? "Do you ... have a problem with something?" she got out and then quickly went on to explain. "We hear you and Mark talk and we know you've had a lot of partners. You do get checked out regularly don't you? " Kathleen asked. It frightened her to think that his previous lifestyle might be the cause of this strange shift away from the norm.

"No. Is that really how you think of me? That the only reason that I wouldn't bed her at the first possible opportunity is because I've picked up 'something'?" Derek asked now starting to feel exasperated, the only consolation was that Kathleen did sound like she was extremely embarrassed to have to even ask such a personal question.

"Well ...It's just ..." Kathleen started.

Derek frowned. He guessed that he couldn't really blame her for thinking that. His previous behavior hadn't left her with much choice. "I guess that I may have given that impression before but this is different." He explained.