Computer Fighters 2000 But The AI Is Self-Aware

Let's Jack You In!

A shower of primary-coloured sparks burst from the outlet as Kevin plugged in his gaming headset. He winced and pulled back, shaking his hand like that would dispel the electricity. That's not a good sign. He had half a mind to put this whole idea to bed and go volunteer at the soup kitchen instead like he normally did on Saturdays. But he was down to his last dollar after buying this newfangled VR machine and a game to go with it; he wanted to make sure the purchase was worth it. So he inserted his copy of Computer Fighters 2000 VR into the console, picked up his handheld controllers, and lowered the headset over his face. Let's do this.
The game booted up to reveal a long hallway cast in fluorescent lights. Looking down at himself, Kevin found that he was in a bulky dark blue outfit--it looked like some sort of armour--with a yellow asterisk logo on the front. He arched an eyebrow and shrugged. Not exactly his usual style, but it'd do. He headed slowly down the hallway, glancing around as he went. Now, where was he supposed to go, exactly...?
"Hey there, Kevin!"
Kevin jumped at the unfamiliar voice calling his name. He spun to see a man in a labcoat with a lightning bolt belt buckle, a backwards red baseball cap, and a visor grinning back at him. The game's graphics were already startlingly impressive; the NPC looked practically as real as the store clerk Kevin had bought the game from.
"Oh, uh, hi," Kevin stammered. After a moment's hesitation he raised a hand in greeting. He wasn't sure whether the NPCs in this game could see all his hand motions, but it was force of habit. "So... you're an NPC, huh? Any idea where I'm supposed to go?"
"Welcome to Computer Fighters... in the real," the AI replied, spreading his arms to the computer-generated hallway around them. "I'm Dr. Flaxter, first name Daxter, and I'm supposed to be your guide!"
"Oh, that's great! I could kind of use a guide," Kevin admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. "This is my first time ever playing a video game."
As he said this, another NPC drifted onto the scene. This one donned a security vest, pre-ripped jeans, and a helmet covered in stickers for bands Kevin had never heard of. The security guard laughed at Kevin's confession as if it was the most pathetic thing he'd ever heard (technically it must have been, since the NPC had only just spawned).
"Dude, you picked Computer Fighters for your first gaming experience? This game is, like, so mainstream," the newcomer said. "You totally should've downloaded an indie game."
"Yeah, well, I was actually thinking of starting with something basic like Mario... I only bought this game because I read some good reviews."
"Ugh, who plays Mario games anymore?" The AI punctuated that rhetorical question by taking out a vape pen and blowing a steam of blue bubble-shaped smoke. "Unless you're playing a creepypasta romhack--but, like, only ironically."
Brow furrowing, Kevin pointed at the security guard and turned back to Daxter Flaxter. "Hey, who is this? Is he allowed to vape in here?"
"Hey there, Kevin!" Daxter said with the exact same cadence he'd used a minute ago. His body seemed to shudder as he spoke, and his visor flickered in shades of yellow, cyan, and magenta.
Kevin grimaced and suppressed a shudder of his own. Less than two minutes in and he'd almost forgotten he was playing a video game. No wonder the graphics were so impressive; the developers must have blown the budget on that and had nothing left over for debugging.
Luckily he didn't have to turn to Daxter for answers, because the security guard provided them himself. "I'm Spencer, dude. And vaping is so 2008. This is called a sweet voice; it's the hip new thing. Say, do you have a passport?"
"What? No, I don't have a passport."
Spencer crossed his arms and let out a huff of derision. "Too bad, bro. I can't let you through here without a passport."
"Get moving, Kevin," Daxter interjected. "You've gotta head on down to the test chamber!"
"Right, yeah, the test chamber... that's what this suit is for, right?" he asked, tapping a gloved hand against the armour plating over his chest. "You're right, I'd better go."
He turned and walked down the hall, only to realize he wasn't quite sure where the test chamber was. Daxter seemed to have disappeared, so he wandered aimlessly into the nearest room with an open door; hopefully whoever was inside could point him in the right direction.
In the break room, a scientist (well, presumably a scientist, given his light yellow labcoat) in a propeller hat stood facing a cluttered corkboard, bouncing on his heels and muttering something to himself. Kevin approached the scientist and cleared his throat.
"Hey, do you know where--"
"Oh, hi there!" The scientist turned to greet him with a cheerful smile which immediately seemed somehow more human than Daxter's. "I was just reading lemonade recipes. Want to join me?"
"Lemonade recipes?" Kevin echoed. "Really?" Cocking an eyebrow, he put his hands on his hips and stared up at the sticky notes scattered across the board. Citric acid, malic acid, sodium benzoate... "Y'know, I'm not so sure these are lemonade recipes, Mr...?"
"Oh, you can call me Neil."
Kevin nodded. "Cool. Nice to meet you, Neil."
Nestled amidst the supposed lemonade recipes was what looked like a map of the facility; Kevin took it down and examined it. It looked like the test chamber was one story below, and the elevator was just down the hall. He folded up the map and added it to his inventory. Before turning to leave, he addressed Neil again.
"Say, I don't suppose you know where a guy can get a passport around here?"
"Uh, I dunno..." Neil shrugged, frowning. "Isn't everyone already supposed to have one?"
"Apparently, yeah, but I don't. So I need one."
"Well, I'm afraid I can't help you there, my friend. But if you ever need to learn about the wonders of lemonade--" Grin returning, he gestured triumphantly at the corkboard. "I'm your guy."
"Right, yeah, I'll keep that in mind. See you around."
Kevin gave Neil a two-fingered salute as he walked out of the room, which the AI returned full-handedly. Out of the game characters he'd encountered so far, that one was the least off-putting; he hoped Neil would reappear throughout the game. And hopefully that Spencer guy would be relegated to the starting level...
But speak of the devil, Spencer was outside the elevator waiting for him. "So, like, did you find a passport or what?" the security guard asked with a sneer.
"Nope, still no passport. But, hey--" he tapped his chest again, drawing attention to the logo emblazoned on his suit. "I've got the company logo right here. That's as good as a passport, right?"
"Pfft, no way, bro. HEV suits are so conformist," said Spencer. "Security vests are totally like the new hazard suits."
"Um, okay... good luck getting fried by the radiation, then," Kevin muttered. "Now excuse me while I go do my job."
He pushed past Spencer and into the elevator, but Spencer glided in next to him and continued to talk.
"Bro, I can't believe you're taking the elevator. That's, like, letting the government make all your choices for you. You should just jump down and you'd get there faster."
"And break my legs? Yeah, no thanks."
"Okay, whatever, loser. See, this is why none of the other scientists want to talk to you; they all think you're totally lame."
"Well, what about Neil? He talked to me."
"Ugh, Neil is a total geek, that's the only reason he talked to you." Spencer rolled his eyes and flipped his hair. "Of course I only use the term 'geek' ironically."
With that snide remark he hopped off the elevator while it was still running and landed on the gray tiled floor a few feet below. Seeing that the NPC didn't take any fall damage, Kevin decided he may as well jump as well. But when his boots came down on the floor, a faint shockwave ran through his legs.
"Oww," he muttered with a wince.
"Heh, that's what you get for jumping. What, are you trying to be like an action hero or something? Not that I watch any action movies," Spencer added. "They're, like, way mainstream."
Doing his best to ignore the security guard's ramblings, Kevin headed down the hall toward the test chamber. He turned a corner just in time to see a large set of red doors swing open and a long-haired man stagger out into the hallway dripping with some sort of green slime. Kevin stopped in his tracks upon seeing the slime, eyes widening with excitement. Was this a Ghostbusters crossover game? He didn't think so, but...
"What are you looking at?" the NPC asked, giving Kevin an icy blue stare.
"Oh, I was just wondering..." Kevin shifted awkwardly and faked a cough. "You didn't just fight a ghost, did you? 'Cause, y'know, you've got some slime on you."
"Golly, I wish! I've never met a ghost face-to-face. This is just the nutrient fluid that kept me alive while I was in my tank." The NPC wrung slime out of his hair, then brushed off his labcoat and tugged it tighter around himself. "I suppose I don't need it anymore now that I've finally escaped containment."
"Woah, woah, wait a minute," said Kevin. "You were in a tube--like a lab experiment? Geez, what is this game even about?"
"Oh, yes, they had me locked up ever since my birth, torturing me to no end." An eerie grin was fixed on the AI's face as he spoke; Kevin wondered if the game was acting up again. "I expect to have nightmares about it for the rest of my life."
"...Oh." Unsure of how to respond to such a confession, Kevin gave the AI an awkward pat on the arm. "Sorry to hear that, man."
The scientist--Ryan, his name tag read, though the lab coat might well have been stolen--clapped his hands together and flashed a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Oh well, no sense dwelling on the past. Come now, we've got work to do."
Ryan and Spencer followed Kevin the rest of the way down the hall to the test chamber, where Daxter Flaxter was waiting for them by a panel of buttons and switches.
"Everything's ready," he announced. "Time to get testing."
"Oh boy," Ryan enthused, wriggling his fingers in anticipation as he joined Daxter at the control panel. "I'm going to press all the buttons and see what happens."
Kevin just sighed and shook his head. He gave Spencer a withering stare as the security guard followed him into the test chamber, but didn't bother trying to stop him. If the NPC was so desperate to die, he was more than welcome to.
As the heavy metal door slid shut behind him, Kevin surveyed the chamber. His gaze landed on a familiar scientist standing at the top of a ladder--also not wearing  proper protective gear, he noted with a pang of alarm.
"Neil! What are you doing up there?" he called. "Get down!"
"Woah, Neil, you know this guy?" Ryan asked from behind the observation window.
"Yeah, I met him earlier. Hey, Ryan," Neil added with a cheerful wave to his fellow AI. "Glad to see you out of your tube."
"Guys, can you have this conversation later--ideally with both of you outside the test chamber?" Kevin interrupted. "You seem like a decent guy, Neil. I don't want to see you get irradiated."
"Oh, don't worry," Neil assured him. He hopped off the ladder and appeared to hover in the air for a moment before stepping onto the high platform. "I come up here all the time--it's the place to be if you want a real up-close-and-personal science experience."
Daxter rapped on the observation window. "Cut the chit-chat, new kids--those rotors won't start themselves!"
"Are you not bothered by this?" Kevin demanded, motioning to Neil sitting down and dangling his legs off the edge of the platform. Below, Spencer posed beside a piece of equipment and took a selfie. "We're going to have multiple workplace deaths on our hands!"
"Start those rotors, Kevin," Daxter repeated. His unchanging grin answered the question better than words could: no, he was definitely not bothered by this development. Kevin had to wonder how much of this had been programmed, and how much of it was the game acting up.
Well, it looked like there was no point arguing with these characters. With a sigh of resignation, Kevin climbed up the ladder to join Neil on the platform, in front of the switch that would bring the giant rotating gear above his head to life. He locked eyes with Ryan through the window; Ryan gave him a big grin and two thumbs up. As he reluctantly flipped the switch, Kevin tried to console himself with the knowledge that this was just a video game--something he already found himself frequently forgetting.
A harsh metal groan echoed through the room as the cog began to rotate, accompanied by a couple plumes of smoke. "Uh... is there supposed to be smoke?" Kevin called to his colleagues.
"Hey, don't smoke in the test chamber," Ryan chided him.
"I wasn't smoking, it just--"
"You're doing it, like, so wrong," Spencer told him. "You're making it spin clockwise, which is like the most conformist direction. You should make it spin the other way to make a statement."
"What fucking statement would that be making? It's spinning the way it's designed to go!" Kevin clenched his teeth and shook his head, trying to quell his building rage. It's just a game, don't get too heated. "So, what next?"
"Grab the disappearing crystal and put it in the reactor," Daxter instructed him.
"Alright," Kevin muttered to himself as he moved to climb back down the ladder. "I can do that much."
"You'd better do it slowly," Neil leaned over the railing to call as he descended. "Otherwise it might catch fire."
The crystal in question was laid on a platform next to the reactor, sparkling dimly under the fluorescent lights. More smoke streamed from the rotating overhead gear as Kevin cautiously grabbed the crystal off the platform and opened the hatch to place it inside. The moment he set it down inside the hatch, the crystal shuddered and despawned. Crackling green sparks took its place. Well, shit.
"Oops," Daxter remarked. "It disappeared!"
"Okay, so what's gonna happen now?"
"Oh, man, this is bad!" Neil exclaimed. "You were supposed to be more careful with that thing... now the whole place is gonna blow!"
"Wait, what?!"
"I'm coming in," Ryan announced.
"What?! No, don't come in, it's--"
But Ryan was already on the move. He leapt through the observation window--clipping through the glass in the process--and came down next to the hatch in a superhero landing. Kevin swore under his breath and gripped the sides of his head in a desperate attempt to hold in all his incredulity.
"We need to get out of here," Kevin told his companions as the sparks bursting from the machine grew larger and brighter. "None of you have suits on--if this thing blows you're all gonna die immediately."
"Ugh, bro, are you seriously causing a resonance cascade right now?" Spencer took another puff of his so-called sweet voice; this time the sweet-scented smoke faded from orange to red. "That's, like, so 1998. But not in the cool ironic way."
Kevin opened his mouth to retort, but all that came out was a scream of panic. An ear-splitting electric crackle mixed with the whine of overworked machinery, the scent of smoke in the room grew overwhelmingly acrid, and a stinging sensation washed over him like someone was dumping bleach on him. Blinding green light filled Kevin's vision just before he blacked out.