Computer Fighters 2000 But The AI Is Self-Aware

Mega-Powered Information Super-Highway

It wasn't long before they found themselves sparring with the military again. Any trace of begrudging appreciation for Spencer's renewed presence disintegrated in the wake of mounting suspicion that the security guard had tipped the army off to their location. But there was no time to air those grievances when the team was actively fighting for their lives against a seemingly endless barrage of armed forces.
But the army's assault, like so many other things that seemed like they'd never end, eventually did. When things finally fell quiet, Kevin cautiously led his team out into the open. The surrounding area was empty... save for a small sectioned-off computer room where one remaining soldier spun back and forth in a computer chair. Unlike the other soldiers' red berets, this one donned a blue baseball cap. Kevin nodded to his team and motioned to the remaining soldier.
"Let's interrogate him. He might have info we can use."
From up close, it was clear that the soldier wasn't quite sure how the computer in front of him worked. He pressed random buttons the way one might poke at something with a stick, a deep scowl of concentration set into his face. When the science team entered and surrounded him, the soldier jumped to his feet and made a fist at them, baring his teeth.
"I'd drop the attitude if I were you. We've got you outmanned five to..." Seeing that Neil was shaking his head, Kevin paused to silently count his teammates. To his simultaneous gratitude and irritation, it looked like Spencer had abandoned them again. "...Four to one. Am I getting through to you, pal?"
"You're going to tell us your name, rank, division, and how many people are in your squad," Ryan commanded with a startling calmness. His eyes shone cold and dangerously.
"Don't get your dress in a knot, prettyboy," the soldier sneered. "I'm the only one you've gotta worry about."
"Alright! Sounds like we've single-handedly wiped out the US military," Daxter said cheerfully.
"Nah, you wish. I'm in my own personal special forces division called none of your beeswax. I ain't telling you booger-brains nothing, especially not my name."
As the soldier said this, Neil rifled through some papers that were scattered on the desk next to the computer. He held up a pair of dog tags and announced, "His name is Max. He's a field officer."
"Hey, no fair--give 'em back!" Max tried to snatch the dog tags from Neil, but Neil held them up out of his reach. When the soldier tried to make a lunge for the apprehended item, Ryan jabbed his gun against the soldier's ribs.
"You're not getting anything back until you tell us the way out of here."
"Ahh, c'mon..." Scowl deepening, Max glanced back and forth between the science team; his expression was that of a cornered feral animal. After a moment he turned to Neil and held out a hand. "Hey, kid, if you gimme my stuff back I'll give you a beyblade."
Neil's glasses flashed beneath the ceiling light. "...What kind of beyblade?"
"Uhh... one of the rare expensive ones."
"Oh boy! I've been looking for ones that are rare and expensive." Suddenly amicable, Neil dropped the dog tags into Max's hand. "Here you go."
"Uh, Neil," Kevin hissed, "I don't think we can trust this guy."
Sure enough, as soon as his fist closed around the tags, Max wasted no time swinging a punch. Neil ducked to avoid the punch and it connected squarely with Kevin's nose; he cursed and stumbled backward. Meanwhile, Ryan's eyes lit up and he drew a large folded sheet of paper out from his labcoat sleeve.
"Say, I just remembered this map of the facility I stole from Kevin the other day. Maybe we don't need to ask for directions after all!"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that thing." Neil leaned over to help Ryan unfold the map; the two AI hummed and nodded in unison. "Yep, there's a safe way out, alright. And we're almost there!"
"Seriously?" The fresh throbbing pain in his nose immediately forgotten, Kevin leaned in to look at the map too. Sure enough, Neil pointed to a door marked as being just a stone's throw away from their current position. "Oh, wow..."
We're getting out of here. A slow grin spread across his face; he slung his arms around his AI companions and jostled them excitedly. We're really getting out of here!
And minutes later, with help from the trusty map and no help from any uncooperative soldiers, they really did.
The sky outside bore a pinkish tint. It must have been dusk, or maybe dawn. How long had they been at this for? He couldn't remember. Nonetheless, the cool breeze on his face was beyond refreshing, and while the chemical-tinged air didn't exactly smell sweet, he breathed it in deeply nonetheless. This was it, he thought. Of course, first they'd have to get past the surrounding mountain range... but it seemed Daxter Flaxter had a plan.
"Are you new kids tired of being cooped up at this broken-down science facility?" the scientist asked. They nodded in affirmation. "Want to get out and see the outside world?"
"More than anything."
"Then just follow me!"
Daxter crouched down and leapt impossibily high into the air with a springing sound effect. Unable to copy the feat, Kevin, Neil, and Ryan stood and gawked as their companion sailed straight over the mountains and into the void beyond. Before Kevin could ask how exactly they were supposed to follow him, Daxter reappeared behind them. The AI bore a jarringly blank expression; his visor momentarily flashed a bluescreen error message before returning to its usual black.
"What's the matter, Dapper Flattop?" Neil asked, eyes wide and anxious. "What did you see out there?"
"There's nothing out there."
...What?
"Nothing but void, fellas!" Now Daxter was grinning again, but in a cold way that couldn't have been anything but computer generated. "This is all there is!"
"Is that true, Neil?" Ryan asked, a glint of fear flashing in his eyes. Kevin recalled that the AI had been born in the facility and must have never been outside before. Geez, poor guy.
"No, I... I'm sure I've been lots of other places..." But there was an anxiety-inducing tinge of uncertainty in Neil's voice as he shook his head, brows knitting together. "Haven't you, Kevin?"
"Yeah, of course I--"
Kevin broke off as realization hit him like a truck. Oh, that's right, he remembered. This is a video game. And while he didn't know a lot about the medium, he knew video games had limits to their programming. Their virtual worlds only extended so far. Once you passed those limits, empty void was probably all you'd find. And sure, he had the luxury of a life outside the game, but all these self-aware AI weren't so lucky...
"Oh, god," he whispered, clutching his head. "This might actually be all there is."
The sound of voices from nearby pulled him out of his existential dread. Just around the corner, Spencer was sitting on a bench and conversing casually with a couple of army officers. As Kevin watched with mounting irritation, the security guard pulled out his "sweet voice" and blew a multicoloured stream of bubbles into the air. The soldiers nodded in approval. The science team hung back until the officers got up and left, at which point Kevin stomped over to Spencer with his arms crossed.
"You do realize those soldiers have been trying to kill us, right? I'm not so sure you should be acting all buddy-buddy with them."
"Hey, those broskis had their passports," Spencer replied with a one-shouldered shrug. "What was I supposed to do? Anyway, we're gonna head back inside and have a hang sesh now," he went on with a nod to a nearby door. "You lamoids aren't invited."
Kevin ground his teeth as Spencer got up and followed the soldiers back into the compound. Once the security guard was gone, he sat down and motioned for his companions to join him in a semicircle. They had to get some stuff straightened out.
"Okay, seriously, guys... we all agree Spencer is bad news, right?"
"Yeah, he's terrible," Neil agreed.
Ryan frowned and crossed his arms. "I don't know, I say he's a valuable employee."
"Are you kidding? He was just chatting up the soldiers who've been shooting at us all day!"
"Looks like the vote is split," Daxter remarked. "You can buy my vote for two playcoins."
"Wait, what's a playcoin? ...And how many do I have?"
"Most people get five, but you only get four!" Daxter's visor flickered and his grin widened to a menacing degree. "You'd better not fall to zero playcoins, Kevin."
"I don't see what you guys have against Spencer anyway," Ryan muttered. "He's nice to me."
"Is he?" Kevin asked skeptically. "I mean... aren't Neil and I also nice to you?"
"Kevin, for three playcoins I can tell you exactly what your friends think of you."
"That's okay, Daxter," he muttered. "Fine, I guess we're putting up with Spencer for a while longer. Now let's go interrupt his hangout with those army guys before he gets us all killed."
When they tracked Spencer down he was in a large room filled with computers--thankfully alone--lounging on his back atop a desk inside a spinning holographic globe and typing something on his phone. He offered the science team a lazy peace sign as they entered without looking up from his screen.
"Hey, bros. Those army guys turned out to be a bunch of posers, so I kicked them out. Now I'm editing Wikipedia articles."
"Wikipedia?" Neil echoed. "The free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit?"
Spencer nodded and made a finger-gun motion at Kevin. "Yeah, and I'm making it say that he died."
Kevin crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "Me, or the other Kevin James? Because last time I checked, I don't have a Wikipedia page."
"Nah, bro, it's the page for..." He checked his phone screen and smirked. "Ernest Rides Again."
"Oh, wow..." Eyebrows raising, Ryan leaned in to see what Spencer was typing. "I didn't know you were in Ernest Rides Again. I might have to readjust my ranking."
"I'm not! Believe me, I'd remember if I'd ever gotten the chance to meet the late great Jim Varney... and if I was somehow in that movie, I would've been a little kid at the time. Kids don't tend to die in Ernest movies."
"Well, like, what even is the 'truth' anyway?" Spencer said with a shrug. "I kinda take a postmodernist approach to information. Like, if you say something and you believe it then that's basically the same as it actually being true."
"The internet is amazing, isn't it, Kevin?" Neil remarked, apparently oblivious to the issue at hand. "You can put anything on there."
"Yep, you sure can..." He looked between his teammates, and once again reflected on the strange situation he was in. None of this would have been possible--in fact, nobody else in this room would have existed--without the power of technology. In that way, maybe it was worth all the craziness.
Then Spencer set his phone down and rolled off the hologram emitter, revealing that he'd been lying atop a keyboard and pressing who-knows-what buttons. "So, Ryan told me he launched a missile earlier. That sounds totally bitching. I'm gonna go do that now."
...Or maybe, Kevin reflected wearily as the AI hopped on his skateboard and rode off down the hall, no trade-off could ever be worth having to put up with this. But he was stuck with these people anyway, so what the hell.