insecurities and regrets

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Ophelia sat in her car, watching as the rain tapped it's way down the window. She stared up at the hall, dreading going inside and seeing Sam. She had made the horrible decision of going through her texts with Ryan, and she had never fully understood how belittling the things he'd said to her truly were until she had reread the messages. She didn't understand why Sam felt the way he did for her. Maybe it was all a lie - some sort of scheme so he could use her for her body just as Ryan had. Ophelia didn't want to think these things, but she couldn't help it. Maybe he would be better off with someone else, she thought. She would never be good enough for him. She took a deep breath and picked up her phone from beside her, typing in Sam's name and tapping the message button.

'can we talk?'

Those words never came with good news. She knew that, and she knew that he knew that. For some reason, feeling the way that she did for him made her feel even worse about herself. She was constantly questioning whether or not he truly liked her, or whether or not she was enough for him.

'i'm in my room. everything okay?'

A sigh left her lips as she read the message, shutting her eyes temporarily before grabbing her things and getting out of her car. She didn't want to do it, but she cared about him too much to let him stay with someone like her. Someone so insecure, so unhappy. She made her way up the steps, reaching his door and knocking softly on the wood. Only a moment later, Sam opened the door with a concerned expression on his face. He looked her up and down, trying to figure out if everything was okay. "What's the problem?" Sam says quietly, holding the door open as she stood in the hall. "I am." She mumbles under her breath, and he furrows his eyebrows. "What? What do you mean?" Ophelia looks up at the ceiling, trying to figure out her next words.

"Can you give us a minute?" Sam says to the girl sitting on her bed, who nods quickly and stands up. "Yeah, sorry." Joanna says awkwardly, giving them both a small smile before leaving the room. "Thanks, Jojo." Sam says, and she nods again before disappearing down the hall. Ophelia squints at Sam, "Jojo, huh?" She asks, a hint of sadness in her voice. She knew she shouldn't care, and that she shouldn't think about how close they were getting given the fact they live together, but the nickname still hurt. "Yeah, I, uh... I can never remember if her name is Joanne or Joanna, so I started calling her Jojo." He explains. Ophelia sighs, trying to ignore the fact she knew he was lying by the way his lip twitched.

"Have you ever thought about fucking her?" Ophelia's voice drops to a whisper. Sam's expression changes to one of pure shock at the question. "Why are you asking me that?" He asks, sounding entirely offended. "Okay, so, you have." She concludes, nodding slightly and crossing her arms. "No, I... What the fuck, Ophelia?" He exclaims, pulling her inside the room and shutting the door behind her. She gave him a sad look, attempting to hold back the tears forming in her eyes. "You don't deserve this. You deserve better." She chews on her lip as he looks down at her with a confused expression. "Lia, what the fuck are you talking about?" He asks quietly, and she lets out a sigh. "You need to be with someone who actually deserves love. All I do is think about how I'm not good enough for you. I'm not good enough for anybody." She says sadly, a pain forming in her chest as she speaks. "Everything Ryan told me was true. I've always known that, but I should've realized what it meant earlier. And for that, I am genuinely sorry."

"Stop, Lia." Sam says, obviously frustrated with what she was saying to him. "No. I have to say this, Sam." She squeezed her eyes shut, her voice breaking on the words. "You clearly don't want to deal with all of this, but it's just how I am. I don't think I'm ever going to stop feeling like I'm not enough, and that's why I think this needs to end." She motions between the two of them, tears filling her eyes. "I don't want you to have to put up with me anymore. It's not worth it on your end. I'm not worth it." A tear rolls down her cheek as she stares at the wall, avoiding even the slightest bit of eye contact. Sam remained silent for a moment, making sure she was finished with what she had to say.

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