Never Lost, Always Found

Chapter Ten

        Wednesday.

It used to be my favorite day of the week when I was younger, maybe about ten, eleven. But now, it's really just another day to say, "Hey, you made it halfway through the week! Survive another few days!" God likes to screw with me, now doesn't he?

I walk downstairs, my hair a knotted, frizzy mess, my bedclothes still on, and my eyes probably so far closed that it looks like I'm sleepwalking. I feel like a ghost because Mom's silent again. I long to work up the confidence to apologize to her but still, I'm just scared that I'm a burden to her.

The cinnamon buns are still on the table, so I reach over and grab one. The box is slightly open already, so the buns are cold and are harder than they were yesterday morning.

I've had enough of being who I am. Lonely, weird, anxious. Maybe today I have to step out of my comfort zone and try hard to finally step into line, not walk out of it.

So what I'm saying is that I have to change.

I finish eating, stuff a cinnamon bun into a plastic bag, and throw it into my backpack, which is still lying on the floor from yesterday's outburst. I get ready, but as I'm brushing my teeth, brushing around my braces, I look at myself in the mirror. A mistake, and in the mirror, I recognize a person who won't be found.

Me.

I get dressed, grab my backpack, and run out of the door without Mom saying not even a goodbye to me. I head to the bus stop, and I overhear people whispering about what happened with Russel. Apparently, I had offended him? Who's spreading rumors about me now, other than Benji?

Stepping onto the bus, the stares keep driving me insane, so I pull up my hood and take off my backpack, and wall off the seat so that I can't see or hear their words and stares. Is this what hell feels like because that's what everyone's making my life. While I wait, I hear something move my backpack.

Russel is standing there, and he sits next to me. "You hear these rumors?" he asks. "Well, yeah you moron!" I say, "Did you say them?" He shakes his head, "Some kid had to have." "Well, obviously," I say. My tone is lower now, almost secretive. He sits next to me, and I don't wince. "Listen, don't tell anyone this, but this triggers my anxiety," he says. "You too?" I ask.

"You too?" he repeats, and his face breaks into a grin as the bus starts moving. "Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday," he says. I stare out of the window, "It's not a big deal." "It isn't?" he says, then he situates himself.

"It isn't."

"Well, that begs the question. Are we friends?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"I didn't really have any friends before I met you."

"You're new?"

"Yeah, I'm new. Those kids were talking and pointing to you."

"Is that how you knew my name?"

He nods. "That's why I wanted to be your friend. So you weren't alone, and so that maybe I wouldn't be so awkward around people. I was just so irritated at myself yesterday that I stormed away from you." "Russel," I say, "you really do understand me..." "Yeah, why wouldn't I, Paige?"

A shrill laugh pierces through the bus. "Oh look, Russell and Paige! She'll use him and cheat like she did Benji!" a girl yells. Russell rolls his eyes, "Ignore them." "I can't, they're everywhere," I whisper.