Never Lost, Always Found

Chapter Nineteen

        Benji doesn't come to school for the next few days, and I'm curious as to where he really is. My smile wavers every time I see someone wave to me and congratulate me on me and Benji and stuff. I just try to block it out because I just now notice that he's the only reason my anxiety is at bay. Now that he's gone, I'm afraid people are faking.

I can't make it through the first period before bursting into tears in the middle of class. I rush out of the door and into the bathroom. I lock myself into a stall and bury my face in my hands. Why am I crying? What has happened to make me cry? Perhaps I'm just scared of myself. Maybe I'm scared for Benji.

I pull out my phone and text Benji. He doesn't reply immediately, but just before the end of the period, I hear my phone ping. I look at the text, and I almost cry again. He texts, "Hey, my cousin just died. I'm going to his funeral tonight. Please come." "Do I come to your house tonight?" I ask. I can almost hear his voice trembling in my head when he replies, "Yes. Please do."

My stomach twists into a wrenching knot. Why did his cousin have to die? Russell said he was super smart. If he was, he could have spared his life or something. His bubble goes grey, showing he's offline, and I shove my phone back into my pocket.

The day goes by slowly without Benji. I need him here with me to get me through writing, math, science, and whatever other classes I take. I just can't get over how I'm going to a funeral for a kid I never met. I'm not going to tell Russell about this though, because he doesn't need to know about this.

When I get home that night, I run into my bedroom, grab the dress I wore when I sang for the first time in front of many people, and get into it. I rush downstairs and get into my car with little to no explanation.

My Mercedes picks up speed as I drive towards his house. My brakes screech as I almost hit the curb. Benji's wearing a black suit and tie, and I notice the blotchy red spots on his face. I can tell he's been crying for I don't know how long.

He gets in my car and tells me the address for the funeral home. I drive there in silence.

When we arrive, we get out of the car and enter the funeral home. It's very crammed with people, old and young, and I spot Mrs. and Mr. Evergreen talking with people I've never met. Benji leads me over to his parents just as the ceremony begins. The family members give tributes and I have to say that it jerks a few tears into my eyes. A eulogy is spoken and finally, it is just left to the grieving family members on what to do next.

At least it's a closed-casket funeral, so I don't have to look at the body. But seeing Benji cry makes me want to cry because it hurts seeing my best friend cry. Finally, I run into his arms and weep with him. I didn't have to know Jason to know Benji. And I kiss his lips as tears slide down his face and onto his lips, making them salty.

God, I feel upset while he does this.

When he pulls away and everyone starts to file out of the funeral home to head to the cemetery, I grab Benji's hand and walk with him to his car.

We get to the cemetery a few minutes later, where I watch the coffin get lowered into the ground. The sobbing from both families is hysterical, and I'm ready to cry because Benji's eyes are sparkling. Even though he's crying, I can still see him fighting for something, a lost memory, perhaps, that he remembers about Jason.

I wonder why he never told me about Jason for all of the years I have known him.

Before long, my dress feels like it has bricks glued to it, just as much as my heart. I'm stuck driving Benji home, and we don't talk the rest of the way there. I wouldn't either, but I don't have any cousins. I pull the car up to his house and he gets out, thanking me for coming. He leaves and goes into his house.