Peter Pan: The Land Beyond

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

It takes hours for me to find the hideout but by the time I reach it, it's past midnight. I hadn't learned the location of the Hideout except from the Lagoon. From the cut-out windows of the tree, I can see the dim glow of the candlelights. Someone must be home.

My heart leaps to my throat the closer I come to the door, wondering just who is beyond the little wooden entrance. I've had hours to think about what Hook said; how I am a copy of another girl that Peter has brought to Neverland once before. Every time I dwell on that thought, my heart aches in the pit of my chest and my blood rushes so loudly through my ears that I can hear it. I feel I may pass out soon if I don't get somewhere to sit or lie down.

My hand is shaking as I reach for the door, my vision blurring and a lump forming in my throat. Pushing it open, I met with three sleeping boys lying in small balls around the common room. They must have been up late waiting for Peter and me. I am happy they don't have to witness me like this – slowly breaking into pieces the longer I try to hold myself together. Blowing out the few candles in the common room, I make my way to the ladder and climb up to Peter's lightly lit room.

Peter is nowhere in sight.

Him not being here pulls at my heartstrings. I want to just get this over with. I need to know who this Wendy girl is. But until then, I make my way to Peter's mossy bed and lie down. The moment my head hits the leaves the blurriness takes over and I feel tears roll down the sides of my face.

Why am I crying?

I blink the tears away, wiping them with my wrist as they fall. Rolling over to my side, I look out the window but from where I lie I can only see the dark sky.

How come Peter isn't back yet? Was he defeated by Captain Hook? Did he escape? Is he looking for me? I hope he's okay and he's making his way back home, but at the same time, I don't want him to return just quite yet. I know I won't be able to stop myself from confronting him, I need to know the truth even if it devastates me. How come this has affected me so much? I've only known Peter for about two days now and yet, somehow, I manage to have gained such deep feelings for him.

Was it this way for Wendy? Did she fall in love with Peter too? How long did it take for her? Where is she now? Why'd he or she leave the other? The questions keep piling up in my mind. Was she human or elf? Could she fly? Was she special? To what extent did he do the same things as her, with me?

Something flashes in my peripherals. I glance back to the window to see Peter walking in from on top of the branch. His eyes are full of worry, an emotion I haven't seen him express, but when he sees me the worry washes away and is replaced with a smile.

"There you are."

I sit up, throwing my legs off the side of the bed, and take a deep, hard breath.

"Who's Wendy?"

The smile quickly wipes off his face and his round eyes soften and lips part. So, he did have feelings for her.

"I don't want to talk about her," Peter mutters so quietly, I am lucky I can hear him.

"I need to know. Did you do the same things with her that you've done with me? Am I just a copy?"

"You're not a copy!" He yells. "Why are you doing this? Weren't we having fun?"

"Who was she?" I struggle from yelling.

He doesn't reply, he just stares at me, and his eyes appear to be watering. I fight back the urge to comfort him. I need to know who she is. Maybe that makes me selfish. Needing to know.

"Peter. You loved her, didn't you? That's why you came for me. Something happened between the two of you and you wanted to replace her. I am a replacement." I shudder. My heart feels like it's being squeezed like an orange. "I can't be just another girl in your heart. I need to be thee girl in your heart. I don't think that will ever happen."

A single tear falls down his cheek. He bites his bottom lip, sucking it in and stepping back from me.

"Peter, don't go." I reach out. The juices of my heart spill to the pit of my belly, and I can feel the tears burning my eyes once again.

He shakes his head slowly and like that, he floats up into the air and bursts out the window at top speed, leaving me alone in the chill of the room. I run to the window, wanting to shout for him to come back, that I am sorry, that I'd shut up. But he is gone.

I back up from the window, the tears slipping from the grips of my eyes. My lips shudder and my chest feels heavy and suffocating. Why'd I have to go ruin everything? We were happy, weren't we?

My knees crumble beneath me and I fall, landing on my hands and knees. The tears just keep coming, faster and faster, until I start to convulse. I try to breathe but it becomes hard, and I start coughing. I glance around the room, it's blurry but I can make out the bed where he and I were just laying last night. And then I look towards the ladder. The urge to run develops in me. I want to escape. To run from this pain. To get away. To never be a burden to him again.

My feet are at it before my brain. I slide down the ladder, leap over Pint, and rush out the door, slamming it behind me. I don't look where I am going, I just let my legs take me as the tears continue to blur my vision making my world full of dark colors with the moon barely providing any light.

I'll continue running until the island ends. I won't stop until I can no longer be found again. I will lose myself to this pain and break free. Peter doesn't need me. They can last without me. I am not a necessity. I can't return home. I have nowhere to go. I will be lost, like the lost boys just without a place to call my own.

My heart will always be yours Peter. No matter how small and broken it may become. I am sorry. I hope one day you'll forgive me, and I hope one day you can find the one who will be your one true love.