DEAR BUTTERFLIES [ COMPLETED ]

8

SIX YEARS AGO

MYLES' POV

"I'm so sorry Myles, it's what we feared it was", the doctor said. It wasn't a surprise, something I knew was bound to happen, something that I saw coming. It is a never ending cycle, I couldn't see the end of it.

"But we thought it was all because of a slightly dysfunctional bone marrow, a minor inconvenience, isn't that what you told us, how could this happen?", my mum chimes in, angrily, it's not her fault for being concerned, it wasn't her fault at all.

"It's okay mum", I said, trying to keep her calm.

"No it's not", she said, "We were told you had a minor case of bone marrow dysfunction, how does it end up in cancer ?", she said,she had tears running down her face, cancer was bad enough as it was but having your child go through it made it ten times worse.

I am trying my level best to not become a museum of myself, doing my best to breathe in and out, to hold onto life.

I am begging you to let me live, it's okay if I'm alone, let me live. To let me hold onto hope a little bit longer, maybe because deep down I knew it was never going to be okay, it was always going to be the same,but you lose something you gain something, right ?

"I am so sorry Mrs Caddle", that was all he said before leaving us alone, alone and trapped within the walls of this room, it wasn't any less torture. The silence and the soft tears, the unspoken words when we had thousands to say were torture. But I'm so glad I'm letting it go, letting everything I feel go down the drain, washing myself with numbness, utter darkness, it's better to surround myself with it.

"You don't have to pretend to be okay, il mio amore. It's okay I'm here " , she said. It hurts to hear every crack her words carry when she speaks, it breaks me to see her broken like this, into million different versions of herself, all because of me.

Life is too good to be true sometimes, at one point you feel on the top of the mountain and the other you are kicked off of it. That's the villain of my original story.

"Addition to the bills again, why don't you fuck up your health a bit more?"

"We are more than enough with the money, Jonathan, we don't need you paying for me, why are you even here in the first place ? Didn't you want to be a supportive father who, I quote, 'wanted to be here in all the highs and lows of my life', what's with that huh ? Amazing work on being a good father", I wanted to say more, to release all my anger but stopped when I saw her face, my mother's face.

Till today I could never understand why she let him in but it wasn't up to her, all she craved was love, all she wanted was some comfort, comfort she found but in the worst places, in broken shackles and a sinking home, her own home.

"Leave, get out", she said . They say everything happens for a reason, it's hard to believe it when you see the people you love hurt, see them in misery and only hope you could give them a world where their hearts don't break. The words that left her mouth were ones I've always wanted to hear, for years, since he made her stop living life.