DEAR BUTTERFLIES [ COMPLETED ]

18

ELIZABETH'S POV:

"You only have two years to live" 

One statement, a few words and syllables, that's all it was, that's all it takes to break someone, to crush someone's hope, hope the most fucked up emotion in existence. Fifteen seconds, that's all it took to break the silence and his heart, his mind and soul, for everything to flip upside down in his world. 

A feeling I was far too familiar with. 

I wanted to make it stop, I looked at him, his face was morphed into a blank canvas, still as an old marble statue, his eyes reddened full of pools of reflections of things his lips couldn't say. His achingly beautiful face had wary written all over it, gloom and fright, darkness and bland memories flowing through it, something words couldn't comprehend. The once sweet and full of life, Myles was nowhere to be seen, he was lost in his hurricanes, all I could see was memories, he was entirely made of memories. 

I reach my hand out again, after closing the files shut, to hold onto his, to offer him some comfort, which was not of use in this situation, not enough to help him glue back the bridges that broke, but he pulls his hand behind. I stand up 

So much to say but too little words, so much to want to express but our emotions are clogged up. I stand up, pushing my chair aside and walking over to him and standing right in front of him. 

"Look at me", I said, "You can talk to me, okay ? You can let it all out here, it's okay to be not okay, it's big news, take all the time you need" 

"You said you won't let me wake up alone, right?", he whispered. 

I am not going to let you die, I'm not going to let you wake up alone, my words collided at the back of my head. Pictures and memories floating in of all our little talks and words, the promises we made. I wasn't going to back off now. 

"Yes I did" 

"Can I hold you onto that ? If my medication fails, if I am set to die, can I hold you onto the fact you won't let me wake up alone ?" 

"I am always here and I'm not leaving you, never letting you wake up alone. The second report is not a hundred percent accurate, what if the meds work, what if you get to live again ?", I said trying to hold onto th lump at the back of my throat, trying to hide away the feeling in my head, the memories that ricochet my heart and mind, to avoid the possibility of it happening again, of history repeating itself again. 

'We are sorry the medication failed' 

"We can't know for sure, can we ? We can't hold onto unnecessary hope.", he said 

"We can't", I said. It was unfair, it felt unfair. He is supposed to have his whole life lined up in front of him, a clean slate of health and happiness, a family or a career, a list of opportunities, not pain and the never ending cycle of pain and agony, not constantly having medications injected in his blood system and burning feet. It ached me to see him go through this. 

"I've lived this before, I've been living with this for years now", he said, sparks of pain bursing with every word, his face said otherwise, as if he was trying to pretend that those words aren't poisonous to him, for him even to muster up the strength to speak, "I have been living and fighting to live, that's what matters, right ?", he said, there were tears flowing down from our eyes, both of us knowing how this one would end.  

I could feel the breaking points of him in his voice, evident enough that he had had more than one should, that every cell in his body begged him to stop, every ounce of his being hoping and praying he would give up and set them free off of this treacherous cycle. 

"You haven't been living, Myles, you've been letting the cancer live you, live your life, live on your behalf" 

"What am I supposed to do? How am I to make it stop? Help me here, help me break from this cycle, help me break free from the people and their words" , he said, he begged , a plea for peace, to help him get over it all. 

But it wasn't me who could help him in this, he had to do it himself, alone for once. 

"The best thing to do is to learn from cycles, they keep repeating till you learn out of them, they stop when you break them, step away from them, so confront people who hurt you, leave the toxic ones behind no matter what they say because at the end of the day what matters is you and your health" 

Yes, it might hurt him to do so but in the process what matters is he would meet a healthier version of himself who will be more than enough than others. 

"You have to do this for yourself for once, without anyone else steppin in. Take it as if its your last chance at life"

This was the only way out. This was the only thing that matters, that he started focusing on himself first, even if it meant me not being able to be a part of his life. He has to stand through the storm alone, he needs to discover his own self, alone. Consequences are secondary, what matters is an attempt. 

"I won't let you down" 

"I know you won't, I believe in you", I said. I finally said it, something I meant wholeheartedly, something I wish someone had told me. 

I Believe In You

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Here's chapter 18, I hope you enjoyed reading it.

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Word count - 1019 words

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EDITED AND REVAMPED *