Who Are You

Chapter 56

He came back, witnessing me on the ground. I didn't want that, I never wanted anyone to witness me being pathetically weak. He sat beside me while my face couldn't really decide what emotion it should let out, my brain was a mess. I did something, I cannot do in my wildest dreams.

"I'm here," he whispered, "You talk to me or not talk to me. But I am here."

"I- I don't know Yoongi. I was always so scared to fall down... Not because I feared death, it was always okay for me to die," my voice was trembling in trepidation and I knew I was mumbling incoherently but that was all I could do. I wanted him to listen to me and he was sitting beside me providing me the silence I craved.

"I feared that if, that if by chance I survive, how would I live? An autumn whisper between the maples kept urging me: Die with me. All I wanted a life that isn't just about escaping my life. Now that..." My voice cracked as I was sobbing without any impediment.

I had not cried this much in my life, I don't know if it was the imminent fear of the worst or the the hope of living an actual life that made me so weak. And the matter of fact was that I was in front of him, all defenseless, maybe at his mercy, I still didn't resist to show my weakness to him.

His own eyes were glistening as he sat motionless, just wanting to hear me. This boy, he is none other than the famous idol, he was looking into my eyes as if he found himself responsible. He looks at me as if transmitting courage into my cowardly self.

"Maybe I am just a woman," I said and I could watch the perplexity in his eyes.

"But I really wanted to be angry. God, I would like to be angry. I would like to be furious and destructive and have everyone go 'shit. Oh shit. Oh, what have we done?' I wanna make them realise but... But maybe I am just a woman," I sniffled and later sighed, breaking the fiery contact our blurred vision was enjoying. Two more tears fell down and I knew I was letting myself way too loose in these emotions.

I looked at my hands on my knees, "I was raised a woman, and am therefore too afraid to even try going insane, letting loose this great and terrible scream inside of my being, to break things that other people love so they know that I am serious about this thing. I am too resigned to the latter to even begin to hope for the former. I was born a woman, I never experienced childhood.

The time I was born, they threw me into the ocean and the salt filled my bones, and it aches. I feel numb, I feel something I cannot even describe." I looked back at him, "Yoongi they killed me in the name of making me the woman they wanted. I- I feel like a ghost in my own life."

Tears were never ending and I didn't even try to hinder them. His hand cupped my cheek softly and I never knew how much I craved this touch as I could feel myself being held together.

He wiped off the tear off my cheek by the pad of his thumb. "I'll teach you. I'll teach you how to land Jee and then you'll never be afraid to fall," he said decreasing the space between us, taking me into his embrace.

His embrace was so warm and so alluring that it was urging me to let down all my defences, to unveil infront of him the 'me' no one knows. The 'me' I was so terrified to accept.

"I will choose your thunder, I will choose your rain. Over anyone's sunshine. Because I love you Jee, I love you. Maybe in your dream, I too am lost forever," he mumbled right into my ear. This was where the world stopped for me, everything and anything didn't matter. I felt like a metaphor I have been trying to find my entire life.

He kissed my neck very softly almost as a feather brushing against my sensitive skin and I cannot believe that I was letting him do this to my body. I gulped my expectant fear, my heart was thudding so wild matching paces with my violent thoughts.

"I look at you and I just love you. I can watch anything but not you breaking. Not you."

I pushed him slightly and my body almost cursed me for doing so but I wasn't ready. He was doing things to me that I could not handle. I once killed a plant by giving it excess water. I fear love is violence and he was providing that to me in such an overwhelming amount that I couldn't take it.

"You... You love me? Why?" I always thought that I am banished from love, that I do not deserve it. Because I was never given the opportunity to think of it. I was so busy in struggling to find myself that love became something I can only dream about.

He smiled broadly, such that I could see his teeth and gums. His eyes were watery, he cupped my face in his hands delicately as if holding a lotus, keeping all its petals in place without altering it's bloom.

"Because you bug me weirdo, duh! I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in ass!" He let out. His words made me laugh at such a moment. This was him, blunt, a little short tempered but he was him. And I loved him for being that. The one person who stirs life in my ghostly self or I would have haunted myself forever.

He was chuckling at his own sentence, a deep blush decorating his starry skin and I don't know why I could not stop my smile. It was as if sunshine was running through my veins lighting up my entire self.

"I..."

Say you love him too. Please Jee. Speak it... There's no better time.

"I love you too Yoongi," I said. I don't know when I'm with him, I am gifted with this unwarranted courage.

He leaned in slightly and I tilted my head in consent. His lips landed on mine softly. His lips are softer than anything I had known, soft like a first snowball, like biting into cotton candy, like melting and floating and being weightless in water. It's sweet, so effortlessly sweet. It was a very brief kiss as he parted and looked at me with wild eyes.

"Mine," he whispered.
"Yours," I breathed.

In a second I was clinging onto him, my hands travelling in his hair pulling him closer into me. He tasted so sweet, so addictive. I tried to say his name but I was not even getting time to breathe.

In a flash, he made me stand, not breaking the kiss. I love how he was as much addicted as me. His hands wrapped around my waist as we moved around kissing each other violently, stumbling over things that we didn't care of till my back was touching the mattress of the bed and he was hovering over me.

His thumb glided over my lower lip, and he kissed me again. He kissed me till time toppled over and my head was spinning into oblivion. It was a passionate, unbelievable kiss.

The kind of kiss that transmits luminosity to the stars. The kind that takes forever and no time. His hands are on my cheeks. He pulled back to look at me, his chest was heaving up and down.

"I think," he whispered, "I think my heart's gonna explode." And I wish I could imprint this in my brain forever to revisit this. Because this... This is everything.

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(A/N : I wanna talk to people who wanted to kill me. 😎)