Disarray [H.S.]

Chapter Eight

But it's still hard to find
Reasons to stay alive
Accepting I'm pointless isn't the hardest
When it's so completely obvious

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TW/ Emotional Breakdown/ Self Harm

This chapter includes descriptive spiraling thoughts which leads to self harming. If you need to skip over this chapter, please do so. You and your mental health matter more than a part of my story. If you'd like, I can provide a summed up paragraph of what goes on during this chapter so you don't feel like you're missing anything. Please just message me and ask and I'll be happy to send it. Take care of yourselves, I love you. x.

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Well, it was Monday now, and I hadn't talked to Harry since he sped away from the home on Saturday night after dropping me off so hastily.

I had debated whether or not I should text him and ask if he was alright, but I decided against it. I didn't want to bother him, and whatever happened obviously shook him up so I didn't want to put any unnecessary pressure on him. I didn't want him to worry about having to respond to me while he was dealing with something important.

Also, I didn't think it was my place to even ask him. I mean, why should I expect him to tell me his business, or tell me what happened or anything like that when I've barely known him for a week? Especially over text like it's casual and we talk like that all the time. I don't want to act like I think I'm more important than I actually am.

Though I did really want to make sure he was alright, because the way his mood flipped like a switch was very concerning to me. But, I figured I would just wait until I saw him in school. I might not be able to actually talk to him in physics, but maybe I could catch him after class. We could walk to our next class together again. But even still I was struggling with whether it not it was my place to ask.

Maybe I should act like nothing happened, not even bring it up.

But would he think I'm insensitive for ignoring it? Does he expect me to be concerned?

Dani said I should just try and play it cool. Let him know I was there for him without being too overbearing. I told her the shortened version of everything that happened on Saturday. I told her that he took me to that field to watch the sunset and the stars and how we talked a lot about them and a lot about everything. I told her that he shared with me a bit of what he was writing.

Of course I didn't tell her anything specifically, that's Harry's personal thoughts and I wasn't going to air him out like that. And then I told her about how abruptly the night ended.

She thought it was strange, too. But she also agreed that it obviously was personal.

I told her how I thought maybe it wasn't a personal matter, and maybe he asked that Finn person to call him so he could have an excuse to leave. Maybe he just didn't want to be with me anymore.

Dani quickly shut that idea down, saying that whatever he was told on that phone call was a private matter that he needed to deal with, and it had nothing to do with me. She actually told me I should send him a short text just to let him know I was thinking of him, but I obviously didn't do that. I just ended the conversation with a nod and a 'thank you', and let it be.

I'll admit, I was a bit anxious to see Harry today, I wasn't sure if he was going to be okay or not. I wanted him to be, of course, but I had no idea what his vibe was going to be. So, I just had to wait and see.

Right now though, I'm standing at my locker, sorting out the books and things I'd need for the first half of my day. There are other students walking all around me, but I don't pay them much attention, I usually never do. But, there's a conversation I overheard that peaks my interest.