Chaos

Kumquats

Meriwa

Meri had been watching Ryke struggling with the computer for at least an hour. At first, she had been amused when he grew really quiet and adopted that adorably frustrated look, the one he wore when he was trying to solve a problem. However, when it became increasingly apparent that all his hacking prowess wasn't getting them anywhere in determining who bought their cowboy's farm, Meri had gotten bored.

With Ryke in work mode and Car visiting the ranch to pick up Daryl, she had no one to play with. Sighing, she kept digging through the pile of baby things Ryke and Car had impulse bought, biting back her growing sense of trepidation looking at all the teeny clothes and toys.

Ryke sighed in frustration before closing his laptop. "Whoever bought it hid their tracks better than the fucking CIA."

Meri frowned as she picked up two tiny pairs of newborn shoes that looked like cowboy boots and flopped onto her back on the rug. "I'd give you a hard time for coming up empty handed, Ryke, but I know you're good at what you do. We'll figure something out. We will surprise our cowboy." As she spoke, she took the tags off of one of the pairs of boots and slipped the mini garments onto her ring and middle fingers.

While she fiddled with the pint-sized things, she heard Ryke get up from the couch and come to lie on the floor next to her. She leaned into his warmth, finding comfort in his presence as she held the shoes in the air over her face. Wordlessly, he grabbed one of the boots off her finger and slid it onto his own, holding his boot up with hers.

She finally looked at him then, finding him regarding her with an unreadable expression. He kissed her shoulder before lowering his hand and asking, "What's wrong, princess?"

She returned her attention to the shoe she still held, inspecting it thoroughly and noting the little western embroidery pattern done in red thread on the soft brown material. "It's so tiny, Ryke. Like, it's really small."

"I know." Hearing the hesitation in his voice, she lowered her own hand and sighed as she leaned into his shoulder.

"I just...didn't expect it, you know? I never thought I'd have kids, and, well, I've only had to worry about myself in life. Then Car and you guys, but you guys are capable of taking care of yourselves. And, when the Hunters took me and Car-"

Ryke tensed beside her, but she continued anyway. For some reason, it was easy to talk with Ryke right now, so she gripped the tiny boot and continued, "When they took us, I didn't know if I'd live or die. Didn't worry about myself, though. Only worried about Car, but Car has always been so much stronger than me. I worry because I love him, not because he's defenseless. Then when I died. I worried even more about him, worried so much that I couldn't just leave like I was supposed to, but I knew that in the end, he'd be okay. He'd break, but he'd heal. Cause he's strong."

Ryke slipped his arm under her neck, and for a moment she breathed in his scent. He smelled different from Car and Daryl, but over the course of their romance, she found herself becoming just as addicted to him as she was to the other two. All three of them smelled like home, and it gave her the strength to continue while Ryke listened.

"Then there's the whole God thing. I don't remember a lot from those other times, just enough to know that the universe is a fucked up place. Then there was the farm. The Rolfe's. Kids are so defenseless, Ryke."

"Mer, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

She shrugged, leaning in closer to him. "I know, but Car and Daryl are so happy and I'm so happy, but I'm also scared."

"Me, too, princess."

Meri sat up on her elbow to regard him as she began speaking passionately. "I mean, what does being a goddess pregnant with a chimera's children even mean, Ryke? And I can barely take care of myself. How am I gonna take care of teeny little defenseless kids in this world where we've had to fight for everything we've ever had, a world where I literally died?"