Oneshots of John lock<3

You dont understand, (bbc)

Sherlock sat on the sofa, his face drawn to the computer screen indulged with whatever it was presenting. John walked by, glancing at Sherlock.
"You ready to talk to me now, or what?" The older man voice grumbled, ever since johns and Mary's marriage Sherlock hasn't been involved with anyone. He declines to talk to his brother, Mary, Molly, and rarely to John.
"Go away." The brunet hummed, his pupils darting from one area of the screen to the other; barely acknowledging the other mans presence.
"This is getting utterly ridiculous! What have I done wrong, what has anyone done wrong?!" The sudden burst of anger made Sherlock glance up, "we've been running around you, trying to please you! And you barely even open your mouth!"
"You can go if you don't want to be here, I never asked you to come."
"No, you don't get to do that! You don't get the easy way out!" John collapsed in the chair opposite Sherlock, his eyes piercing his friends soul. "Are you going through something? Has somebody gotten in contact? Because you damn well know you can come to any of us, to me!" The two had done everything together, they stood by each other's side no matter the threat or danger.

"You love her."

"What?" Johns voice abruptly lowered, his glare turned to a look of pure confusion.

"I can tell you love her, the way you look at her. Your eyes light up as if she's an angel, you could stare at her all day. The way you laugh around her, its as if your in a daze, dreaming of her. The way you immediately offer to help her, you rush over. You'd drop anything for Mary. The way you walk around her, you make sure to walk faster than her so if anything happens, it'll happen to you first rather than Mary. The way you kiss her. You hold on longer, hoping to capture the moment. When you hold her, you make sure you have a firm grip so she cant slip away.
Everything you do for Mary, I wish you could do for me."

Silence.

"Sherl, where is all of this coming from?" Johns voice became alit more fragile, never sensing that his best friend liked him in a romantic way.

"You wont understand, you'll never fucking understand." The leaner man leant back gripping his nose bridge, the instant regret ran over him like a wave.
"Sherlock, we could of tal-"
"No, shut up! You wont understand, you'll never understand! Im happy for you, im happy you've found the love of your life. I wish the best for the both of you. But I cant be around you, not know. Not ever. Go home and see her, because she deserves it." Tears started rising in the younger mans eyes as he closed his computer, setting it to a side.
"I didn't know." John whispered, leaning forward to gently hold Sherlocks knee.
"Go home, please." Sherlock uttered, taking a deep breath to suppress the tears. John rose to his feet, feeling his legs shake at the thought Sherlock didn't want to see him again. The taller man got up, stepping over to the window.
"Sherlock," No reply, just silence between the two. "Please sherlock, look at me." He received a small glance over the other mans shoulder, his eyes full with tears. A sweet look was exchanged between the two, before john walked over, wrapping Sherlock in a tight hug. "Your one of the.. best companions.. best friend.. I could of asked for." Those words dug into Sherlock like a knife, he didn't want to be his best friend. He wanted more. Sherlock gave John a quick squeeze before glancing back at the window. The older man headed to the front door, his heartbeat being the most prominent sound in the apartment.

"I loved you,

Before the fall, I was head over heals for you. Times change, I have a kid now." A nervous chuckled exited his mouth. "Ill see you soon, Sherl, I hope to see you soon." He finished his words, still facing the door and quickly left. All Sherlock could do was run his palm down his face, and clench the windowsill in regret, pain.

"And I love you, John Watson." Sherlock sighed, watching John walk across the road to his car.