The Love In Our Lungs

Chapter 10

I wake up and run my fingers along my dry lips. Breathing is becoming difficult for me. I try to inhale as much air as possible through my mouth, wanting my mother not to notice my current problem.

Downstairs, I find my mother in the living room, a phone and a thousand papers in her hand. I greet her with good morning and go into the kitchen where I grab a quick piece of bread. Making my way back to the living room, my mother starts talking to me.

"You aren't going to school today. We have an appointment in a few hours," It didn't surprise me, but I wasn't exactly expecting her to make an appointment that quickly.

"Mother, we both know you can't keep affording too many appointments." It hurt her. Maybe all of the stress that had convulsed inside her mind was just waiting for that trickle of stress that would break everything apart. It seems as if my words were the missing piece.

"Don't say that... because it isn't true," I know that she doesn't want me to worry about it. It's eating her alive at this point, so why not end this the right way.

"Okay, I won't keep saying it, but just so you know. Everything I just said is true." I looked her straight in the eye as I said it. No stuttering involved. I think I didn't even blink while I said it, but I was too focused on the words that came out of my mouth to notice that.

She looked as if she were on the verge of tears, and I knew at that moment that I was going to regret this for the rest of my life. Quickly, I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. Collapsing on the wall, I sobbed. The tears were flowing all through my face as I yanked my hair. I had never cried this quiet, but I knew that downstairs was my mother, and she for sure would hear my cries from downstairs if I wasn't crying softly. I felt the cold wall against my back as I sat there with my head in my hands. I felt miserable for hiding myself inside a bathroom. For hiding the vulnerable person I am in such a tiny space.

I sit at the exam table, waiting for Dr. Gahn to come in with my worst nightmare. I wonder what type of torture I will be put through when I go to school tomorrow. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see the figures of Dr. Gahn and two nurses coming in with the nasal cannula, and oxygen tank. In my second year as an asthmatic girl, I started using a nasal cannula to help me with my breathing. Dropped out of school because of that. People would constantly bully me for it. Exclude me even more.

I exhale and inhale deeply as they put the tubes in place. I grab the two sides of the tubes and put them around my ears to hold them still. It is taking me all I have not to make the most disgusting face ever. How I wished things would be normal for me... but they aren't for me, nor for anyone else.

"Does it feel okay? We can change the tubes if you want." said one of the nurses. I could see a piece of blonde hair fall from the white hat she was wearing. I smiled a little.

"No, it's alright."

Dr. Gahn moved his body slightly to the right and began speaking to the nurses who handed me the oxygen tank in its backpack. In no less than a minute, the two nurses were walking out the door, and now it was just us two.

"This backpack has wheels so th—"

"I've used one before, I'm pretty sure I can use one now," I stated. I wasn't in the mood to get a lecture about something I already know how to use. He looked at me with a surprised expression. It was probably because he didn't expect my tone of voice.

"Sorry about that. Guess I'll just..." he trails off, unable to meet my gaze.

"I... apologize for my tone of voice, I'm just really tired, that's all." I had lost all confidence I gained in just a matter of seconds. This caused my voice to come out as a whisper.