A Co-Captain's Doubts

It Takes a Village

Daichi squeezed Suga again, looking at the situation in a whole new light. From what he'd said before they turned in for the night, Suga believed he pitied him, that he thought he was useless and a lost cause, but that wasn't true. He had so much respect for Suga. As his friend, as a volleyball player, and as a person in general. He would never think those things. It didn't make any sense, how had he drawn these conclusions?

As Suga's tears seeped into the fabric of his shirt, face still buried in his side, Daichi started to connect the dots. Suga must feel those things about himself. He was projecting it onto his friends and believed if he saw those flaws in himself, Daichi and Asahi must see them too? It was making a little more sense, but how long had he felt this way, why was it so bad right now?

Sniffling caught Daichi's attention, and he leaned to the side, trying to see Suga's face. He kept his voice hardly above a whisper, wanting to make sure he didn't attract the attention of any of his sleeping family members.

"Are you awake?..."

There was more sniffling than a muffled. "...No."

Daichi's smile was thin and sad. Instead of arguing the obvious lie, he disentangled Suga's hands from his shirt with extra gentleness, then shimmied down until he was sharing the pillow with him. In the scant light illuminating the room, Daichi could see devastating hopelessness in his friend's watery eyes, his chin trembling. His whole frame was vibrating, and Daichi had no qualms about sliding his arm under Suga's shoulders to pull him to his chest. He wrapped his friend in a bear hug, and it was reciprocated without hesitance.

In the quiet of the night, they laid like that for a while, Suga half on top of Daichi, as the latter put all the quiet reassurance he could into a strong embrace. Despite the hug, there were smothered sobs that littered the silence, Suga's tears making a wet spot on his shoulder. Daichi held on regardless, fully intent on keeping his friend together while he fell apart.

As the moon inched across the starry sky, Suga began to still, his sniffling becoming occasional rather than constant. Daichi could feel the pull of sleep calling to him, but there was no way he would let this opportunity slip away. He was rewarded for his patience, and after a few more minutes, Suga turned his head so that it was no longer pressing into his shoulder but tucked beneath his chin. He took in a shaky breath and drew it out in a long exhale from his nose.

"I've been a jerk... You should stop being nice to me..." He croaked, his voice rough with sleep and tears.

Daichi shook his head, knowing Suga could feel it because he was nestled under his chin.

"You've been an idiot," Daichi corrected, his voice low and a bit raspy, "But I won't hold it against you."

"You should..."

He was quiet for a moment, wondering how to continue, and came up with a possible route. It was unfair to use Suga's guilty conscious against him, but this window wouldn't slip through his fingers.

"I won't, but in return, I want to know... What were you dreaming of?"

He was met with silence but felt and heard Suga swallow a lump in his throat. It wasn't a no, he had to push a little harder.

"Will you tell me?"

The question was followed by more silence, and then...

"I was at the Sundai Gymnasium."

Daichi listened as Suga told him about his dream, his voice quiet but easy to hear because his head was under Daichi's chin. He was concerned to hear the nightmare was of being hunted down by Kanda and the other two who had attacked him. He ended up in front of the Janitor's closet he'd been thrown in, and Daichi's brow furrowed as he told him it opened to an endless black abyss. The part that disturbed him the most was that he and Asahi appeared but did nothing to help. He had so many questions, but what Suga had mumbled in his sleep lined up with what Daichi was being told, so he trusted it was the truth.