I'm Better With You

Chp. 1 Swans

Randy ran as fast as his skinny ass legs could go, his feet beating against the soft grass. He almost slipped on the wet grass, since it had rained earlier, but quickly caught himself before the feral BEAST could get him and finally finish off his sad, pathetic life. He could hear the aggressive waterfowl's papers shredder head whirring loudly, promising pain if they ever caught up to Randy, his hands aching at the thought. 

 Randy ran through Uptown Dialtown to the large, white apartment building, screaming the whole there as the swan was relentless the whole time. He rushed in through the glass front doors, his lungs begging for a break and his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. Randy located the carpeted-stairs and clambered up them to the second floor, where his room was located. Through his panic he fumbled with his keys but soon opened his light blue wooden door and slammed it behind him. The swan banged and attempted to shred the door many times before wondering off to whatever hell it came from. Randy collapsed to the ground, heaving from the amount of running he did to get away with his life. He was covered in grass, mud, feathers and blood that was most definitely his. 

After a long time of sitting In front of his door, he stood up, taking off his mudded and ruined shoes before continuing into his small, dirty apartment. His apartment was covered in old clothes, paper plates and dead dreams. Randy sighed, dusting himself off to get at least a little bit of the dirt and shit off of him as he walked into his small, cramped room. His room wasn't anything special, it just had a end table with a paper plate on it, a dusty ceiling fan that was slowly spinning and a twin-sized bed that barely had anything on it, just a pillow, a blanket and a sheet half-way on. He flopped on his bed, which promptly creaked loudly under his tired, aching body. He shifted to take off his jean jacket but gave up halfway through, hearing his nokia head loudly start ringing. He groaned as he reached up to accept the call.

"Hi! I'm Randy Jade and I'm feelin'  RANDY for you!" Randy said in fake delight.

He swears he dies more every time he says that goddamned line, which he didn't know was possible. He must be in the negatives now, lovely.  The person on the other end began talking about their fantasies, which Randy pretended to be into, as he heard them get off to this shit. They luckily finished quickly and after an awful 'good-bye' they hung up. Randy laid back down, on the verge of tears once more. This was a very common occurrence recently after being fired from Bunny's Burgers. There was always something to cry about in his life and Randy made it routine at this point to breakdown over his pointless existence. 

This is my life huh? Talking to horny weirdos over the phone and wrangling demons in the park?

Randy's soft sniffles turned into his sobbing on his bed, hugging his scraped knees close to his heaving chest. Tears soaked his pillow as he thought about his useless life. Why was he even still here? To be the chew toy for swans and the man that helps people jerk off? Why did he try? It's not like anyone wanted him, everyone made that very clear. His sobs only got louder as he thought more and more about how he shouldn't even be here and should, in fact, be somewhere lying in a ditch, dead. 

After a while of crying his 'eyes' out, he eventually fell asleep, curling in on himself for comfort. His room was silent other than the soft sounds of him sleeping, occasionally sniffling or jerking around in his sleep. 

***

Many hours had past since Randy somehow fell asleep, he got a call. He abruptly sat up in a panic at the noise, calming down a bit after realizing what was happening. He groaned as he answered the call. 

"Hello, Randy!" the voice on the other end said, who Randy realized to be his boss, or well, one of them, "We've decided to allow you to take the day off today, as we have some problems to fix. Enjoy your day off Randal!". 

Click

Randy practically sagged in relief at this. The day off?  From swan wrangling?? Are things finally going well for Randal Ja-

His head then began ringing once more. He jinxed it.

"H-Hello..?" Randy mumbled, still trying to wipe the tiredness from his sensors. He then realized that he was, in fact, not let off from the sex hotline. Shit.

"O-oh! Hello! I-I'm Randy Jade and I'm R-RANDY for you t-tonight!" 

Who the fuck was this horny at- 

Randy checked the time

-6 in the morning????

Randy sighed, today is going to be a long day. He laid back down as he "talked" to the person on the other end, he mostly just listened, wishing a meteor would crash into him and kill him off. 

Today is going to be a long day.