Hidden Desires

CHAPTER 16: MEANINGLESS ATTRACTION

"What did you want to talk to me about  Sylvia"? You asked her as you left your room heading downstairs toward the dining room.

"It's about Cesar sweetie, I just wanted to know if he treats you like that all the time", she stated concerned, having had to check your injuries and stitch your reopened wounds. "Oh yeah, he just does that when he's angry, don't worry about it".

"how can I not worry about you when you're my favourite little girl", she says with a tight lipped smile present on her features. She feels bad for me, but what for I'm fine?
"I can handle myself", you say as you narrow your eyes at her pity.

"You shouldn't have to Lyla but let's not argue, let's eat first then we can discuss a few things I need you to know", she says placing the plate of homemade pizza on the dinner table  as you both get yourselves seated. Digging into the food hungrily you devour pizza slice after pizza slice in a typhoon of starvation, your stomach graced with the abundance of pizza slices and your parched throat gifted with the greatness that is soda.

Having finished the food that had graced the dining room table earlier, you straighten your posture as you see Sylvia moving from the seat across from you to the seat next to you and taking in a deep breath you watch her, the nerves of what she could say kicking in.

"Do you sometimes feel powerless"? She asks looking straight into your eyes, searching for something, an emotion maybe? Whatever it was she was looking for, it seemed she found it when her eyes softened from your lack of response. You ended up nodding your head because for some odd reason you couldn't fully describe why you felt that way or what caused it but you know it's what you feel in many occasions.

"Do you feel like you need to build walls to protect yourself from strangers and people you know because you subconsciously taught yourself how to see through a well constructed mask", you nod again curious as to how she knows this.

"Do you feel like due to the amount of people who left you, abandoned you, you don't want to let people in because they'll end up leaving anyway and not being able to protect you from them? From him? From yourself"?  Subconsciously you nod having drifted into the horrible memories racked up in your brain for its occasional run through.

"Do you feel hopeless, worthless and useless, as if you're not a mere person but a thing? An object used by any and all but the need to break out and fight is there but tamed. Livid and vicious just waiting for the occasion where the chains are broken. The cell is destroyed and its finally free to wreak havoc amongst those who have hurt you but you don't know how to provide it the freedom it so thirstly desires leaving it caged, hungry and weak".

You watched her as her face turned stone cold and her hands clutched into fists as she stared at you with a fierce intensity you had never seen on her. She wasn't the type to get angry but this.... She's furious but calm, her blood boiling. You nod to let her know you're listening watching her turn away to walk into the kitchen and stand behind the island.

You stand up and follow her intimidated yet intrigued by her sudden change not only in mood but in personality. In that moment she wasn't the Sylvia you once knew, she was different, fiercer more intimidating than usual. "Do you wish to feel powerful...... In control"? She questions you, you look away and collect your thoughts before looking back at her and nodding. "Use your words", she states almost irritated and definitely disappointed. "Yes", you say quietly avoiding her eyes as she glared at you.

"I wasn't joking when I said you are my favourite little girl, I see a fierceness in you, a power needing to be unlocked, a beast needing release. Nobody can protect you. You can't trust anybody. But the beast in you, you can trust her because she only wants your protection, she'll help you survive but you're holding her back subconsciously. You didn't build those walls to protect yourself Lyla, you built them to imprison her. To hide her away because you are aware of her power deep down and that frightens you doesn't it"? You don't look into her eyes as she continues to talk, listening to her honey smooth voice as she walks around the island, circling you, causing you to feel like shark bait in shark infested waters.