Fading

Promises

TW: Mentions of blood

As she stopped hiding from me as much, meaning she didn't try shoving me out of her bedroom as soon as the sun set, and she stopped putting on a brave face, I saw just how much pain and suffering she was actually going through...

She was constantly drinking water but it wasn't enough to stop her coughing. She had an inhaler by her bed to help her when she needed to walk around excessively ('My room is a mess, I need to clean it.' 'I'm starving.' 'I want to go outside.') She had the bucket beside her bed again when her coughing got so bad she was actually spitting up...blood

When she got into her really bad coughing fits, she would grip her chest, or my arm, tightly. I didn't complain, I just held her. The only times she would try to push me away is when she was spitting. ('Please...I don't want you to see me like this...') Though she tried to keep up her appetite, it was obvious, even to me, that it wasn't working. She barely ate two meals anymore, usually sticking to small snacks every now and then. She tried moving around like she had in the beginning but it was clear that she was hurting.

"Jas, lay down please. What do you need? I will get it." Her parents spent most of their time in their bedroom, on their phones now, talking to doctors day and night. It seemed weird to me when you had a daughter who was in pain but what did I know?

"Jack I can-"

"No. What do you need?" She covered her mouth as she began coughing, pointing to her empty water bottle and I nodded, walking out into the kitchen, stopping when I saw her mom.

"Oh, it got cold quickly. Honey! Check the furnace!" Her dad shouted 'Okay!' from their bedroom as her mom walked by me. I sighed, shaking my head trying to get back to Jas as soon as possible. I could still hear her coughing. I grabbed 3 water bottles, almost running back to the bedroom to see her spitting up, glancing up at me before grabbing her rag and wiping her mouth.

"Sorry..." She gasped, grabbing the inhaler. I shook my head, setting one of the bottles on her nightstand while setting the other two on the floor. She used the inhaler before grabbing her water, taking a long drink.

"I hate everything but you..." She croaked, her voice still rough from her coughing fit. I sighed and pulled her into my arms, playing with her hair as she gripped my sweater.

"Jack...you shouldn't have to-"

"Don't say it. I'm not leaving you." I said firmly. She always got like this when she was insecure. She always tried saying I shouldn't have to see her like this anymore, I shouldn't have to suffer with her, or something like that.

"But it's not fair to you..." I pulled away and looked deep into her eyes.

"What's happening to you isn't fair. I'm going to stay by your side. No matter what." We heard her mom's footsteps coming towards the room and quickly separated, me sighing heavily. These are the times I wished they could see me.

"Honey, guess what? This cancer center in New York said they can take you as soon as next month! I've looked online and talked to a ton of families, they have wonderful reviews and are highly recommended!" She said excitedly. Jasmine just nodded weakly, her hand reaching up to the back of her neck as she winced. I beat her to it, rubbing the back of her neck, knowing it helped at least a little.

"That's great mom..." She trailed off. Her mom took a step into the room before crossing her arms tightly.

"I'm gonna get you a personal heater for your room too, all this cold isn't good for you. It's not going to help...anyways, I'll put an order in at the store."

"Mom, I don't mind, it helps." She shook her head.

"Heat helps with the pain." Her mom stated.

"But the cold numbs it." Jas fired back. Her mom just sighed, shaking her head.

"I'm putting the order in." She said before shutting the door. As I watched the exchange happen, I couldn't help but wonder...was this another front? Did the cold actually make it worse?

"Jas...does the cold actually make it worse...?" She looked down and began playing with her fingers.

"Technically speaking...yes...my muscles are tight and that makes...the pain worse but please, please don't...you said you wouldn't-" She looked at me and I saw tears beginning to fall. I was torn. She was suffering because of me but...I couldn't leave her, she was so vulnerable, she was hurting...

Because of me

I sighed and stood up, beginning to pace again as I ran my hand through my hair.

"Jack..?" She asked, trying to stand. She hissed as her body protested and I walked over, pushing her back onto the bed. I knelt down in front of her, grabbing her water as she began coughing, even though she tried to hold it back. After it settled and she took a drink, I looked at her, taking her hands in mine.

"Jas...I can't stand the thought that you're hurting because of me...I...maybe I should start doing what I did before? Night visits? I'm not leaving, I promise. But you need a break from the cold. Your mom's right. Especially if it's going to help you." She sighed, looking away.

"Yeah...guess I couldn't hide it forever, huh?" She laughed without humor. "Just...take the book with you okay? That way you have a piece of me when you're out? People have been talking about how it's been a warm winter too." She said the last part with a smile as she turned back to look at me. All I could do was look down. I felt awful...I was breaking my promise.

"Jack..." She let go of one of my hands, grabbing my chin and tilting my face up to look at her before kissing me softly.

"As long as you come back, I'll be okay. I'll be here, waiting for you." I sighed, nodding before walking over to her dresser and opening the bottom drawer, grabbing my old hoodie before tossing it next to her.

"Wear that while I'm gone, so you'll have a piece of me with you." She slowly put it on, trying not to wince and I almost regretted asking but when she had it on she gave me the sweetest smile.

"I won't take it off." I nodded before walking over to the bookshelf, grabbing our book and tying it to my sweater, walking over and kissing her once more.

"You sure you don't need anything else before I go?" She thought for a moment before looking at me.

"A small snowflake by my pillow?" She asked jokingly. She didn't think I could actually do it but I nodded and she looked at me with confusion, following my hand as I tapped the wall by her pillow, gasping as a small snowflake began to form.

"It won't melt either." I said quietly, watching her reaction. Her eyes shined as they met mine before she grabbed my face and brought me in for another, deeper kiss. I smiled as we separated, and walked over to grab my staff.

Please be here when I get back. I pleaded to her silently, before opening the window and hopping out, quietly closing it behind me before flying off.