Broken Hearts ~ Stranger Things s4 fanfic (DISCONTINUED)

~Sadness~

~Lucas~

"Wh-" I tried to make sense of what she was saying. She looked down at the ground, trying not to cry. "There, I said it." She said quietly. "Since when-" I could barely form a sentence. "I've always felt like this.. I lied to myself, thinking I liked you." She muttered. Tears started to form in my eyes but I wiped them away before she could tell. "And you couldn't fucking tell me?" I said, almost shouting. "You know how people are Lucas! Being gay is not normal to them!" She replied, just as loud. "I would've respected you. I'm happy for you, even.. But the fact you had to lead me on! I just-" I couldn't finish my sentence. "Lucas, please-" Max tried to say. "Don't." I cut her off. "Fuck you. Don't talk to me ever again." I said in the most calm voice I could manage. She looked up to me with a hurt expression on her face. I feel so bad, fucking dammit. I shouldn't. She lied about her. About us. "Lucas, we can talk about this, please-" "I said, DON'T!" I shouted at her. Max flinched back in surprised. Why did she- No, stop. Just leave, Lucas. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself.

 I can't think right now but I can't leave yet. "How long have you known..?" I said, hesitating. She rubbed the back of her neck. "I think, always. It just.. never seemed right when I was kissing you." I could see it took her a lot of effort to talk about this. "So what, you're in love with El?" I asked, not really thinking. She didn't say anything and there was just a silence between us. "No, I'm sorry of course you don't, I-" I tried to sound as sincere as possible before she cut me off.

"I was. I still am, I think." My eyes widened in surprise. What did I expect though? El is pretty but it's still surprising. Wait, what am I doing? I should be angry at her. Not doing whatever this is. "Please just.. Don't talk to me for a while." I could see Max looked upset about this but nodded. "I'm sorry.." "Yeah, whatever." I said as plain as possible. I got on my bike and cycled away. Cycled without thinking. I felt a few water droplets land on my hands before it started pouring. Of course it had to fucking rain now. I started remembering all the memories I had with Max. Our first kiss at the ball.. The first time we met. It was all too much. Tears formed in my eyes again and next thing I know, I'm sobbing. I'm such a fucking baby. I kept thinking about everything before realising I had zoned out. I stopped my bike quickly, nearly ramming into a wall. I looked around to see where I had subconsciously cycled to.  Oh, I'm at Dustin's house.

Wait, why am I at Dustin's house?

~Max~

Why do I have to be so fucking dumb. I had to tell Lucas, Of course I did! It's just how I am. Mad Max, the gay freak. As if El would ever love me back anyways. She's gone to Cali with Will and she likes Mike anyways. My life just sucks. Hah. Honestly Mike was probably right. Nobody likes me. Not anymore, anyways. Lucas was the most normal person out of all of them. I was happier when we were best friends.. But Stupid me had to date him to get over my best friend. In the end, I'm still not over her. I shook my head, frowning. Max. What the fuck? You're dating Gabby now. She's so sweet, caring and beautiful. Just like El. Okay, Max. Enough. Stop thinking about El. She's gone so get over it. When I finally arrived home, it was empty. Gabby went home, clearly. Mom and Dad are still on holidays so the house is mine. I headed straight to my brother's room. I always expect him to be laying on his bed, making out with some girl or something. It feels so empty without him.. Usually I would be leaving the room by this point but, this time I stayed. 

I walked around his room, looking at everything. I was still too scared to move anything. As if he'd come home one day. My eyes landed on a picture of us as children. We were both so adorable. Tears filled my eyes as I started to cry silently. I shouldn't be hurting this much. He was an asshole to me. I still loved him as brother though.  Why did he have to fucking die? It's my fault. It's all my fault. Mike was right. He's always fucking right. It's my fault Billy's dead. I killed him. A sudden burst of anger shot through me as I threw stuff around his room. My cries turned into sobs as I fell to the ground, breaking down. Nobody likes me. I should leave. Maybe it's better if I die. I curled up into a ball at the center of Billy's room, sobbing. Nobody likes me.

~Mike~

I got home pretty late so I headed up to my room without any dinner. I sat at my desk, starting to do my homework. This is confusing, I'll just try it later. I got up now, trying to clear my head. I ran a hand through my hair, sighing. I feel a bit bad about what I said to Max. I shouldn't have said those things. Maybe I should apologize? All I did was tell the truth. I sat back down at my desk, continuing my homework again. 

When I looked at the clock, it was already three in the morning. I'm really tired but I don't want to sleep.. I give up on this damn homework. I got up, going over to my mirror now. My hair's grown out so it's sort of long now. Will always said I'd look nice with long hair. I don't see it though. I'm ugly. I don't even know what El saw in me. I'm just an asshole with insecurities. I went over to my bed, sitting down. I'm just worthless. I'm a waste of space. Max was right in beating me up. I shouldn't be here right now. What I said to Max is horrible. I shook my head. What am I doing? Max is wrong. I'm right. Nobody likes her.

Why am I so sad all the time..? Whatever, I don't give a fuck about her. She's the one who should be apologizing. I lay down in bed, staring up at the ceiling. I did kinda pressure her into it. It's her fault. Fuck her. My mind now wandered to Will. I heard he was back in town. I don't know why he hasn't visited me. Maybe he's busy with the whole moving in thing. Or he just doesn't want to see me. That can't be it though, obviously. We're friends. Man, I miss him a lot. I love him. As a friend, of course. I'm not gay or anything. Ew. If he's back that means El is back! I missed her a lot. Sorta. She's really pretty. I'm glad she was with me. Unless she's with somebody else now. I mean that would be fine, it's been two years. What do I expect?.. I wonder if Will is seeing anybody.

Not that I care or anything. He can have a girlfriend if he wants. I felt a small pain in my chest. I don't know why picturing Will with a girl makes me feel this way. It's...weird. I should just go to sleep, it'll go away in the morning. I pulled up the blanket, closing my eyes and trying to sleep. Will with a girlfriend. As if...

Will came towards me, grinning. He looks a lot more attractive now. We hugged each other, laughing. "Mike! I can't believe you're here!" He said, laughing. "I never thought I'd see you again." He looked up at me since he was a few inches shorter than me. I couldn't speak for some reason so I just looked at him, blushing slightly. I lowered my head, kissing Will on the lips. He put his arms around my neck. The kiss felt warm and sweet and-

I woke up with a start, getting up quickly. What the fuck was that? What was that dream. It was...obviously a dream people have about their friends all the time. That doesn't mean anything. It can't mean anything.. Right?