Falling for Penelope Featherington

5 ~ Colin's Realization

"Pen? Pen!" Colin called after her as he quickly followed her outside. Damn, when did she become such a fast walker? "Penelope!"

"Leave me alone Colin!" She yelled back to him, letting her tears spill. She had held onto them all holiday and they now needed their release.

He felt his heart start to break. He could tell she was crying and it pained him to see her do so.

"Pen..." Colin said looking at her. He couldn't help but want to hug her. Touch her. Kiss her... Damnit, the dream was affecting him more than he had thought. Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps...

"I don't need your pity Colin!" She said, trying to wipe away her tears.

Colin frowned as he looked at her and stepped closer. "It's not pity..." He said raising her chin with his finger. He needed her to look at him. She needed to know that he cared.

Even through the tears, he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Her eyes, the ones he had looked into countless times. The eyes that looked at him with such kindness, so much hope, and adoration. Those eyes. Looking at them, he swore he could gaze into them forever! Then her hair. While her sisters' red strains of hair looked rather ruffled and rough, hers didn't. They were beautiful. Shiny. Smooth. The thought of running his hand through them, comforted him. Then there were her lips... So pure and pink. Always held a smile. Always spoke kind, thoughtful, beautiful words. Oh, how he wanted to touch them with his own. To kiss them, kiss her. Forever. His eyes slowly dropped to her lips and without another thought he started to lean in.

"What are you doing?" She said quickly pulling away from him. She could have sworn he was about to kiss her. But why? Why would he do that if he was so adamant on them being such friends? Hadn't he embarressed her enough. Hurt her enough.

"I..." Colin was now at a loss for words. What had he been thinking? They were outside, in darkness, alone. If someone caught them... No, he couldn't. Not this way. If he wanted her, it had to be out of choice. He couldnt ruin her. "Pen. I..."

"What's going on?" Violet asked, now seeing her son alone with Penelope Featherington. She suddenly couldn't help but be concerned. Especially after what happened with Miss Thompson/Lady Crane.

"Nothing, Mother." Colin said to her before looking at Pen. He suddenly felt like he needed to apologize. "Pen..."

"He was just comforting me, Lady Bridgerton." Penelope said, doing her best to remain strong. She couldn't let anyone know about this. Even Lady Whistledown would keep this secret.

"But we're done here." She said looking at  Colin, telling him as much as his mother. "I'm alright."

She then made her way back inside, walking past him. She gave him one last look before returning inside.

It was that look that nearly killed him. Not just because of how beautiful she looked, but because he knew what it meant. She was saying goodbye.

"Colin? Sweetheart?" Violet said pulling his attention back to reality.

"Yes?" He said trying to act normal and
casual. 

"Are you alright?" She asked, clearly concerned about him.

No. I'm not. He wanted to scream. To yell. Because he started to realize something he had chosen to ignore. Something that he knew may change his life and how he saw himself. Something that was clear as day now.

I'm in love with Penelope Featheringtom.