ashes
/aʃ/
the powdery residue left after the burning of a substance.
•✽•
How dare you.
How dare you show me the edge of the universe and then drop me back where you found me.
Was I just a placeholder? Something to talk to instead of yourself.
What...
The only thing that Jasper had learnt in the months caring for Penelope is that grief has many forms.
When he lost his parents he put his entire soul into working for Torchwood.
He gave himself a focus, and that worked.
But Penelope was cold.
Every time he managed to convince her that it wasn't her fault, another person she hadn't said goodbye to flooded back to her memory.
Grief, to him, was a burning wave that pushed him forward.
To Penelope, it was a creeping chill that hovered around her heart and made her brain numb.
There was nothing she could do to fight it off. Not even if she huddled into the folds of her couch and buried herself under pillows and blankets could she even begin to thaw.
Even as she cried for nights on end, begging someone, anyone, to put her out of her misery. No one heard her. And if they did, then they ignored her.
She felt like the universe had set her up to fail.
Inevitability had become her worst enemy.
Was she doomed from the start?
From when he first took her hand?
From that smile?
That laugh?
His eyes?
She had stopped answering calls from her cousin and her aunt. The only reason that Jasper was still able to visit her was the spare key he found to her house.
He was patient with her, knowing that she probably needed this time to absorb what had happened. And time to figure out what she was meant to do next.
In the rare moments that he had been there when she cried, she explained how she was prepared to spend the rest of her life with him. Through everything, through anything. She didn't want to leave him. And so him leaving her had felt like torture.
Jasper had looked up to the Doctor, in awe of him after all the stories he had heard. He had jumped for the opportunity to go and collect Penelope Adaams, companion to the Doctor. Back in Cardiff, he had been wary of using his gun at first, not wanting the Doctor to think badly of him.
He was so eager to impress the alien. He had wanted to go to space.
But after seeing how broken Penelope had become. And how harsh he had been to her, he couldn't ever understand why.
The Doctor was a cold hearted bastard.
And a monster.
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