First Touch || Shinichiro Sano

Chapter 16

Shinichiro tried not to look suspicious during dinner, while he tried to catch your attention. Did he do something to upset you? You were awfully quiet, and only hummed every once in a while when Niko told some stories. But what was worse, that you didn't even look at his way. Not. Even. Once.

"Hey, hun, are you okay? You're very quiet." your mom asked you.

You looked taken aback by the question, and felt all three pair of eyes on you.

You poked your food with your fork and shrugged your shoulders.

"Yeah, just thinking about that it's only a few days until I have to leave." you answered and looked at Shinichiro while you said the last part.

'Oh.' Shinichiro thought. 'So that's why you're in a sour mood.'

He looked down at his food too and started playing with it, while your mom started asking you about your job, which you lied about having. He couldn't really hear the rest of the conversation, because suddenly his mind started to play a slideshow about the last days' events, highlighting the moments where you were laying under him, moaning his name, or sitting in his lap, looking at him with that beautiful smile, or sleeping next to him, while he held you in his arms.

He felt as his chest tighten when he tried to picture the days where you were not going to be next to him, and he saw himself, getting up from bed, working out, speaking with Izana over the phone, repairing his motorbike, and doing some things with Emma and Manjiro

He decided a few months ago that he's gonna take a break from everything.

Which wasn't really bad at all like he thought it would be. He got the adrenaline rush when he drove on his motorcycle, but without getting shot at, and arrive at a run down, smelly building, with dozens of bruises and back pain.

Sure, he missed to be out there with his friends, but for now, he just enjoys having his body not hurting and so Emma, Manjiro and Izana aren't in danger.

And his body definitely wasn't hurting when your fingers caress his muscles, or your lips kiss his skin.

He misses when he is not touching you, or can't hear your voice, his days at home became much more pleasureable when you were around, and not just because of the sex. You could talk about anything to each other, despite that you haven't seen each other or talked to each other in those four years when you were away for college.

He felt some kind of pride, that you trusted to tell him about you not really having a job. He could remember how sad and lost you seemed on that night, and he found comfort in the fact that you dared to be vulnerable in front of him.

When you were in high school, and he get to know you as his friend's sister, he wanted to be someone you can trust, and talk to, and now he became that someone.

And so much more.

At least it felt like.

Sex with other women was just a solution for him to satisfy his needs. He's not saying it wasn't a fun activity with them, but compared to his time with you, they were pretty dull. He thought sex felt the same with everyone, it's just two people trying to let of steam after all.

Oh, how wrong he was.

When you asked him to take your virginity, he thought that he's gonna be the one to teach you about initmacy, but that word just got a new meaning after your first time together.

Intimacy is not just sex, it's opening up to the other, letting them see your insecurities and trusting them that they will take care of you and keep you safe.

And open up you did, way long before he took off any of your clothes.

Shinichiro looked at you and remembered back to that night when you admitted not having a job, not even having a boyfriend and lying about it to your mom and brother, and telling him you were never with a man before, and you wanted him to be your first.

He remembered back to the night after that, when you told him why you wanted, no needed him, why it's gotta be him and no one else, and he understood and he was both happy and scared.

His eyes studied your face as you were talking to your mom about your made-up job, and he realized that he wanted more nights like those.

He wanted all of his nights to be like that.

He wanted to talk to you, to listen to you, to reassure you that you're an amazing person and deserve everything in the world, that you're gonna find a job and be happy and he's gonna be there for you when you need him. He wanted to kiss away those bad thoughts you were having about yourself, and lull you to sleep as he caresses your skin which not only warms his own but his heart too.

Then the realization that he can't have that anymore hit him harder than a train and he rubbed his chest to ease the uncomfortable feeling he was having there, and cleared his throat.

Your talking was suddenly interrupted by the loud screech of the chair's legs moving against the floor as Shinichiro suddenly stood up from the table, wiping his mouth in the napkin then throwing it on his plate.

"I'm sorry, I just uh... have to go. Forgot about something important." he said as he wiped his palms against his jeans covered thighs. "Thank you for the food." he forced a smile to your mom, and patted Niko's shoulder.

You watched with wide eyes as he gave you a last look, his smile fading and he hurried out of your home.

Niko had an amused look on his face as he turned to you and your mom.

"Well, that was unexpected." he said lightheartedly and continued eating.

Your mom said something in response but you couldn't hear it. Your eyes found the rose he gave you and your throat narrowed suddenly, the heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach grew rapidly, and you excused yourself too, saying that you were very tired, and wanted to go to sleep early.

Just as you shut the door of your room, the first sob escaped you and you put your hands to your face to suppress the ugly noise.

•••

You woke up quite late the next morning, after you calmed down and stopped crying you were still up for a few hours, laying on your side in the bed, watching the window, expecting, hoping that you'll see a familiar shadow, but it never came.

You scolded yourself for the sadness you were feeling, you wanted to stop this whole thing between you and Shinichiro, whatever it was, but you couldn't help but miss it, knowing it was gone and never will be there again.

After you convinced yourself that it was for the best, that it was better this way, and prolonging it and having your heart break later would be inevitable, and far worse, you got up from your bed and had a cool shower which slightly lifted your mood in the summer heat.

'Why does it feel like my heart is still breaking, though?' you asked yourself when you descended the satirs and realized you were home alone.

You checked the clock, and saw that it was almost noon, and you realized your mom is off to work.

Which was a relief because you were alone in your thoughts and you could maybe think about a way to thank Shinichiro for his support and guidance, but it also made you tense up, because now you could drown in self-pity.

Would it be awkward to show up at his place to talk? You were two adults after all, and it would be good to end things on good terms, than you acting like a child and avoiding him.

You'd ran from him once, when you saw that woman kiss him, and you felt ashamed for acting so immature, so maybe it would make sense to face him as a grown ass woman and talk.

You only realized you were pacing back and froth in front of the door when suddenly the doorbell rang and you jumped in surprise, staring at it wide eyed.

Your heart started to beat faster, cursing yourself for hoping it was a certain someone, and you wanted to slap yourself when a warm feeling burst through your entire body when you looked in the peephole and saw who it was.