Lie To Yourself

15

I woke up feeling a swaying feeling, what's this? I'm being carried. Where to?

"Woah put me down!" It came out as almost a whisper.

"Shh, it's okay, you fell asleep, probably thanks to the vodka. I just wanted to put you to bed." Brooke's warm voice vibrates against me as she continues to carry me to my room.

I don't know if it was the comforting smell of her clothes, or her warm voice but I held on, letting her carry me and let a few tears escape from their prison.

As Brooke laid me down, she noticed the escapees.

"Hey, what's up? I get the impression that this doesn't happen that often for you?"

"Stop being nice to me! I've been awful to you"

"No you haven't! You've given me somewhere to stay! You've cooked for me, been nothing but inciting! What are you talking about?" Brooke was pleading.

"I heard you last night, with your girlfriend. I listened. I'm so so so sorry"

"Haha don't be sorry, I'm sorry that she made it so you could hear her....but Katie she isn't my girlfriend. I've known her years, we just sort of hook up every now and then" I could feel Brooke smiling at me.

"Are you gay?" I can't believe what I've just said.

"Yeah, is that okay?" She shouldn't even need to answer that it's nothing to do with me.

"Yeah yeah of course! It's cool"

"Hahaha cool? Is that the vodka talking?" She was really laughing at me now.

I looked down at my hands, intertwining them with each other.

"Katie, what is it?"

"How do you know you're gay?" The vodka allowing me to be completely honest.

"I don't know, it was a slow burn, I just wasn't attracted to the people all of my friends were and I met a girl in a club, we went home, had sex and I've never looked back." Brooke looked so sure of this. I wish I knew how I felt.

"Can I be honest with you?" Oh no no no vodka don't do it

Brooke just smiled and nodded at me.

"I enjoyed it. Listening to you." Fuck I blushed a most deep shade of red.

"Go on?" Brooke said with an inclination onto the end of her words.

"I'm confused, I don't know why I liked listening to it, I know it's wrong and I feel fucking awful...I'm so sorry. But it felt good to listen, I felt feelings in myself that I've not felt before. Even when I've been having sex." The tears were freely rolling down my face now as I hugged my pillow.

Brooke leaned her back against my headboard and held her arms out.

"Come here" she nudged me and against my every instinct I learnt into hear and rested my head on her chest. And for the first time all day I could breathe. Freely.

"Why are you being so nice to me? Especially after what I've just told you."

"Katie, you've done nothing wrong. I've been in your position and it's the worst thing in the world to not be sure who you are. But don't worry I'm not offended that you listened to me, it's a compliment haha. But answer me one question?" Brooke said slightly squeezing my arm.

"Yes?"

"Did you hear me cum?" she asked slightly laughing.

"Hahaha no I ran off when I heard you tell your friend you were going to sit on her face" I laughed and I think I got a bit of snot from my crying on Brooke's clothes but I'll not mention that to her right now.

"Aww shit how embarrassing" I felt her bury her head into my shoulder in embarrassment.

We both laughed gently, before for the first time in a long time I started to fall asleep with someone else in bed.