Lie To Yourself

26

My eyes stung from the horror I had just seen. I turned on my heels running before anyone could reach me. Turning on my ignition I raced off before I even had chance to see if I was being followed.

I'd been driving for felt like hours but was practically minutes. I turned off my car in a lay by near work and just took a deep breath. I couldn't stop the tears from draining down my face, I couldn't catch a deep breath, I felt like I was choking in pain.

My phone began to ring, over and over and over again. I checked it to make sure that it wasn't Tim or a client (the last thing I needed right now, was him having another shout at me). But it wasn't, I ignored it. The tears still steaming and steaming down.

I don't know why I was crying, it meant nothing really, did it? I'm okay, I'll just sit in silence for a few more moments before going back to work.

After what felt like an eternity crying in my car. I wiped my tear stained eyes and pulled my chair under my desk and turned on my mac book. I busied myself with emails, meetings and everything I could possibly bury myself in.

*knock

I didn't want to know who it was, I didn't care.

"Unless you are the MD please can you send me an email as I am in meetings" I shouted through the door.

I felt the footsteps walk away so I knew it wasn't the Tim.

I carried on, the afternoon was seriously dragging, I just wanted 5pm to hit. I just wanted to swallow myself in vodka and sleep for as long as I could.

As my afternoon had slowly elapsed. I checked my emails for one last time before closing down my Mac.

Brookelogan@logantimber.com 

Hi Katie,

I tried to knock earlier on. I know you don't want to talk to me. Probably ever again.

My stuff is packed and I won't be your flat when you get home. I came to your door to give you your key back but I've left it in your letterbox at the bottom of the office.

I have an explanation but I don't want to excuse what I did.

I'm sorry Katie.

Kind regards

Brooke

Katie.Bolotvic@clarkservices.co.uk

Your emails are monitored.

I didn't have the energy to discuss this with Tim. I knew our emails were monitored because the alerts for anything untoward came to me. So I knew I was safe for now. But even so I didn't want to talk to her.

I powered down my Mac. Went to my car and drove home. My energy was non existent. My whole body felt numb, yet I had a pain in my chest that I could not explain.

I was hoping If Brooke stood by her word then she wouldn't be there when I got home. And she wasn't. All that was in the flat was a vase of flowers on the kitchen table which in one swipe I smashed across the kitchen floor, smashing glass across the kitchen.

I sat, with my back against the front door sobbing. For what reason? I had no idea really but today had officially been the worst day of my life. I felt like I had no tears left in my body but they still kept coming. I thought our bodies were 60% water, well I'm guessing mine is probably down to about 5% after today. But they kept coming and coming and coming.

"Katie? Katie? Let me in please?" I heard a familiar male voice pleading through the outside of the door.

"Fuck off" is the only words I had the energy to say.

"Katie, please I'm sorry. Just let me explain."

I walked away from the door, not wanting to hear his excuse, Luke's that is. I didn't want to hear either of their excuses.

I nestled my head into my pillow and tried to fall asleep, which I found more difficult than I had previous nights.

The beaming sun woke me up. Well I say woke me, I was more passive to be honest. Not asleep, not awake, just numb. I performed my normal morning routine with a tinge of sadness and loss that I had not felt before.