Lie To Yourself

34

Fuck why is she right. I've always used sex as a power to push people away or to not let them see the real me. But I don't want to push Brooke away; and she knows it.

"Come on, let's get up and I'll make us some breakfast"

That Saturday passed quickly. Brooke stayed with me all day, we watched movies, went to the shops for food, and cooked together. Just like we should have. I was cautious to show Brooke any affection because I was worried about the pain of rejection again, but also because I didn't fully trust her yet and I knew, if this was going to be something with substance I had to trust her.

But it didn't mean I didn't think of it. I thought about her hands on me all of the time, of her fingers in me, her mouth exploring me. It was torture to be within reaching distance of something that was so addictive. Like a recovering alcoholic in a pub.

I'd not even considered that Brooke would need to go home at some point. I guess now that she didn't work with me, she didn't need to live with me and she'd have to go back to her own work.

"Brooke, stay with me tonight? I'll take you back home tomorrow? Please" it wasn't a request, it was a plea.

"I thought you'd never ask baby" Brooke reached over from the other side of the couch and pecked a light, innocent kiss on my lips as she smiled against me.

"Shall we watch one more film and then head to bed?" I questioned as I grabbed the tv remote.

Brooke just smiled at me as I was already choosing a film!

"Do you have some secret sex toy I don't know" what's she on about?

"Erm no?" I questioned

"Well why can I feel vibra..."

"Oh shit my phone!" I realised as I pulled it out from under the pillow.

"Hi mum" I answered

"Erm yeah sure what time?...hmm...yep...oh god okay...can I err bring a friend?...no mum a friend?...like a girl..okay thanks, see you later, love you" I put the phone down and buried my head into a pillow internally screaming.

"So I may have just signed you up for dinner with my family tomorrow" I admitted.

"Oh shit what will I wear? What if they hate me? What do you guys eat?" Brooke was visibly panicking.

I leaned forward and held her face with my hands and rested my forehead on her own. Learning forward to place a gentle kiss on her lips. I didn't want her to stress about this, my family were slightly a lot but they would love her. I kissed her again, placing kiss after kiss on her lips. I pushed her back, wanting her more than I was getting at the moment. I leaned my focus down to her neck, slightly nipping and sucking on her collar bones, I could see Brooke mentally questioning her willpower as I carried on my sweet assault. In an effort to have her longing for me, I stopped temping her, looked up and then rested my head on her chest in a comforting, yet (for Brooke) frustrating manner.

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing Kate!"

Kate? I like how that sounded on her lips.

We settled into a comfortable silence and before I knew it I'd fallen asleep on my favourite person.

The only reason I'd woken the next morning was because I was absolutely acutely aware of my arm that had gone dead from being beneath Brooke's weight for the entirety of the night.

I shimmied my arm out from its uncomfortable position and then attempted to tip toe across the living room to make myself a much needed coffee!

That morning was quiet, once Brooke had woke we had breakfast, I let Brooke pick an outfit out of my wardrobe although it was slightly too small on her however I still thought she looked beautiful. I drove us to my mums around 11:30 and was acutely aware of how nervous Brooke was.

In the car I placed my hand over the centre console and into her lap. "It'll be absolutely fine you do know that don't you?" I tried to convince her.

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine. But what if she can tell I'm gay?" I looked at Brooke with confusion.

"Why is that a problem?" I struck back.

"I don't know, my mums not the biggest fan of me being gay so I wasn't sure how she'd react." I've not ever asked much about Brooke's family, but her admission did make me question how she was brought up and what her family were like.

"Nah you've got nothing to be worried about" and I glanced at her for a second. Trying my hardest to reassure her.