your rhythm - MarkHyuck

- five

12 years ago, 10-year-old Donghyuck

She didn't talk to me for two weeks because I didn't win the first place.

"Do you like to embarrass your parents so much?"

The words she said to me left a scar on my heart. I was just 10 and I tried my hardest to win every piano competition only to get the second place.

"Is it your new hobby?"

Every single time.

Maybe there was something, somewhere within me that I was lacking to the point that I wasn't able to help myself. I wanted to give up because I know I couldn't do it.

Was my brain not working properly? Should I go to the hospital and get help from the doctors, to fix my brain so I could do better? Will that be any help to me, to get better at playing the piano?

"You're stressing yourself," Mark said to me whenever he is around. It's not that I hate him, I just dislike being around him because I feel like I don't deserve to be there.

As the saying goes, our life is like a wheel, sometimes we're at the top and sometimes we're at the bottom. Around Mark, I'm always at the bottom and he's always at the top.

"Maybe because you're here," I grabbed my items and left him alone in the room.

When the competition ends, I noticed how I'm always left alone thinking about how I could've won it if I tried harder. After that, Mark would come along in hopes to comfort me, but I push him away.

Mark has been sweet to me, his almond eyes were always so soft despite getting thrown a lot of hate from me, he never backed away. He was always there by my side but being the person I am, I never liked him being by my side.

"You're never giving me a chance I'm guessing," he sat down on the floor and looked up to meet my eyes. I always closed them because I couldn't bare to see his face.

"Why do you hate me?" He asked me out of the blue. Right there and then, I panicked, not knowing how to answer him. I never understood how I was panicking when it wasn't even a serious question.

He was looking for an answer to that question but I never answered them. The more he asked, the more ridiculous it sounded. How can you ask someone ask why they hate you? Do I need a reason to hate on someone?

"Because you always win. I want to make my parents proud but you kept on winning," I chuckled upon realizing what I had said. Was he even going to empathize me if I said all of this? Will he even pity me if I told him my life story? Never in a million years will he care about me.

"Why are you laughing?" He leaned against the wall and drank some water. "Because this whole situation is absurd," I said to myself and left the room without giving any indications.

The moment I got out of the hall, I saw Mark's parents talking to the judges and host, happily talking about Mark's success for the nth time that year.

The sky wasn't dark but in my world, it was gloomy. I could imagine the rain falling on to my face, making me wet from head to toe. Isn't it a good day to cry on a rainy day? No one will notice my sadness.

I looked around for a black car owned by my parents but as per usual, they were nowhere to be seen. This place is 40 minutes away from my house by walk, I guess that was my only choice.

Is it fair that I get treated like this in spite of working my ass off to get number one? "You're parents aren't here are they? I wonder why they do that to you," the smug on Mark's face made me want to punch him right there, in front of his parents.

"Asshole," I put up the middle finger right on his face and left without saying anything. Yea, I'll take this time to learn more about nature. How they grew, or maybe how they made this planet a better place.

Sometimes I wonder what Mark thinks. I felt the need to actually crawl into his brain and find out what he thinks about other people. He was unpredictable. His personality changes from time to time. One moment he's this sweet boy that is loved by everybody and another moment, he becomes lucifer.

I won't take that personality to heart, I know that that isn't his true colors, but maybe sticking to one personality is better than making tons of it and end up having almost the whole school hating on you.

My bad, everybody loves him, who am I kidding? Maybe I was the only one hating him because of how he treats me.

I made my way out of the parking lot and walked through the streets. It was eerie to say the least, especially in this fierce weather.

It was only drops of fresh water from the sky, but soon the lightning comes along and so did the strong breeze. I hugged myself in order to protect my body from it, but it didn't seem to work.

In just a blink of an eye, my clothes were wet and my shoes were soaking. That was when I broke down to the ground, crying my eyes out. Nothing has been better to me and it didn't feel like it would get better.

Wishing for someone to come pick me up was the only thing I could ask for but there were barely any cars passing by. The street was empty and the forest I'm surrounded by were sending tingles up my spine.

Are my parents being cruel or do I deserve this treatment for not being a good son? Was there any way to make up to them, to make them treat me like a normal human being? Do I need to justify anything for the sake of humanity and love?

Just some stupid thoughts once again, one where I will never return to my 10-year-old self.