just something

when the feelings sink in (come back, be here)

the revelation of how naive we were to think we can conquer the time and distance between us was something i'd like to erase from my memory. we were so in love, always high up in the clouds whispering sweet nothings and promises. we created a realm where only the two of us existed. we created a reality where we wrapped ourselves with the young love we had. heaven was on earth during those times. 

you would just randomly call me names i would forever hear in silence. i would send you things that reminded me of you. we were inseparable. a duo. the stares we shared with each other during secret meetings would always haunt me until i die. the cheeky smiles and the carefree waves of laughter will always be something i would never experience if it were not with you. 

the poems i offered to you but never showed you will always scar me every time i read them again and again and again. the songs that were touched by moments of you and me will make me bleed but i would welcome the pain. the colors you painted my life would burn my eyes because the colors stayed, and here i am still hoping you will. 

you are a gift i would always be undeserving of. the punishment of how i lived my life before. "how was i so ready to risk it all?" i asked myself, then an answer was heard miles away. it was the part of me that i locked away but you managed to free her. "it's worth it because he's someone you trust your life with".  

it was true. 

and it was scary. 

because it's too early and it was rushed and how would i know if you're willing to do the same? the realm we created was disturbed and we didn't do anything to save it. the reality we lived in melted in the reality where we really exist. and the heaven we experienced slowly became a barren land. 

but i still love you. believe me when i say i will always do until i can't. 

we broke up. 

but it didn't sink in until i woke up with no updates and texts. it didn't sink in until i woke up and had to stop myself from sending good morning and i love you texts. it didn't sink in until i realized that we are now .... only friends. 

it hurts. 

but what can i do, love? 

what can we do?