Beauty and The Beasts: Rain

25. Snakes Are Allowed To Cry

     Rain wallowed in her depression thoroughly.  Sun up to sun down, she constantly replayed her fight with Damon.  Except, it couldn't be called a real fight; a one sided beat down, a scolding, or a rear whooping perhaps.

     Rain was sick with a burning and disgusting feeling in her belly, but she couldn't vomit if she wanted to.  She was incapable of such while in her beast form.  Rain was frustrated, upset, angry, hopeless, and worst of all, she was weak.

     Rain was supposed to be strong.  So much stronger than she was.  Her father had three stripes when he matured, but she only had one.  It took her several years to get her second stripe.  Was it because she was born a female?  Was her weakness just a product of an unfair world and a biased sex?  She couldn't choose her gender.  Was she supposed to lay down and accept that she couldn't reach the same strength as her father?

     Vile and pathetic feelings twisted and raged inside Rain.  Was cursing a discriminatory world all she could do?  Damon won because he was male?  Because he was born the right gender to represent strength?

     Rain wasn't supposed to lose to Damon.  He wasn't that much stronger than her.  But she did lose.  How did she kill stronger opponents before, yet could not land a solid blow on the tiger?

     Rain knew, even if she didn't want to except the truth.  She had been rash.  She let her anger control her.  She won against stronger opponents in the past because she planned and made every situation advantageous for herself.  With Damon, she didn't do anything other than lash out.  In response, he buried her face into the earth repeatedly.

     Rain didn't dare shift back.  She was overwhelmed with such strong anger, shame, and self-doubt that she would undoubtedly be crying if she had the proper tear ducts to do so.  What was she supposed to do now?  Was it enough to grow stronger?  And what if what Damon had said is the truth?

     Rain didn't want to admit that she was wrong.  If she was, it would mean that Third was stronger than her and her judgement was thoroughly lacking.  'But what if he was right?'  Her stomach churned and she suppressed the desire to hurl.  What if her foolishness got Third killed?

     Third didn't deserve that.  'He is going to live a long and healthy life.  He'll find a mate after growing stronger.'  He was Rain's brother after all, she had high expectations.  'But he can't do that if I get him killed.'

     Rain couldn't do that to Third.  If that awful, feces-stuffed tiger was correct, than she would have to talk to Third.  Right now though, she didn't have the heart to.

     Rain drowned in her pity-party for the next week.  Her heart squeezed whenever she sensed Third and Winston come close.  She felt like she let Third down.  She was the older sister.  The reasonable and smart one, but she had been foolish and had no idea how to face her brother now.

     Rain had an even tougher time with Winston.  She had lost so miserably to Damon.  Wouldn't Winston be disappointed in her?  How could she look him in the eye?  She was supposed to grow strong enough to stand on even ground with him, but now her goal seemed unattainable.  Just a lofty and stupid dream.

     Rain should be angry with Winston.  He went behind her back in an attempt to protect her, but all of her anger kept redirecting back to herself.  She was too ignorant to notice after all.

     When Winston came to visit, Rain refused to acknowledge him once again.  She expected him to leave like he usually did, but was surprised when he started talking about the war and his loss.

     Rain was shocked to her core.  She silently begged Winston to stop talking.  She didn't want to hear it. She couldn't handle the thought of him losing.  He was her goal.  He was supposed to be a perfect and strong figure.  How could he admit his loss, his shame so easily?

     Damon was one thing, but Winston was another entirely.  Winston was like a mountain who's top Rain couldn't see through the clouds.  She was too shy to admit it to another, but she admired Winston and his strength greatly.  To hear that the beast she respected more than any other had lost, really hit her hard.

     Even when Rain combed through the Legacy, she could not find a single instance of her father ever losing.  She thought she had to be the same, otherwise she would be less than her father.  From a hatching to an adult, Rain believed that she always had to win.

     But here Winston stood.  He had the respect of the city and the strength to lead it even though he failed before.  Was it really okay that Rain had lost?  She didn't know anymore.

     Before she could recover from Winston's story, Third came to speak to her.  He didn't say anything as earth shattering as Winston, but his words tugged at her heart.  She was really a lucky beast.  Her brother had put up with her when she was at her worst, and was even willing to support her after she failed him.

     Finally, Rain received one more visitor before the night ended.  She had met Harvey once before, when she and her sister came to the city.  It was a simple checkup, nothing more.  Rain had looked down on Harvey, questioning if he was really a predator due to his demure attitude.

     Rain revised her thoughts on the leopard over the course of her treatment.  He was passionate about his work and did a good job.  He never tried to force her and treated her gently.  Rain had already been far too emotionally stimulated, so when Harvey said he would be there for her she was startled yet again.  Rain could tell he didn't say that with other intentions.  He truly just wanted to help her.

     Rain had a lot to digest that night.   She ate the food and drank the water that was left for her.  She didn't feel okay, far from it.  She felt like her foundation shattered and didn't know how to put the pieces back together.  After today, she knew that she didn't have to do it alone.

     Rain spent the next day thinking about the life that she had lived until now and the life she thought she would live after.  She didn't think that she could go back to the same beast she was before.  So many things changed in such a short time frame and it was terrifying.

     Two days after the pep talks ended, Rain thought about where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do.  She thought about how she would live with her failures.

     Rain also thought in depth about the things that Damon had said and even wondered why he went through the trouble of confronting her.  If he really hated her, he could have killed her or injured her permanently.  From what she had overheard, Damon didn't try to flee from Third or Winston either.

     No matter how objectively Rain would try and contemplate his intentions, she would always be overcome with shame and indignation.  Rain decided that she would focus on what she could do now and how she would face the beasts who were waiting for her.  She didn't know if she could pull herself together for them, but she'll have to try.