imperfect | tubbo angst

18. problems

tubbo POV:

i grabbed a bottle of water and walked back upstairs ignoring the amount of noise coming from the living room

i walked over to my desk and sat down on to my chair

i didn't want help, i knew i needed it but what can they do to help ? they aren't professionals, all they do is sit in front of a computer screen and play minecraft all day. i certainly don't want help from them

i took out my notepad and began writing

dear no one

if anyone ends up finding this in the future, i'm sorry. i can't do it anymore. it's so tiring to get up in the morning knowing that all my friends know about my problems and they probably think that i'm some freak. they want to help me, they tell me "it'll get better" but i see through their lies, they're saying it to make me feel better about myself, i want things to be like they used to be, normal. i want things to be normal again, i want to be normal.

i quietly sighed when suddenly i hear someone come in to the room and slam the door as hard as they could, i looked over to see who it was

it was tommy.

he walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it

"hey man are you okay ?" i said quietly but loud enough that he could hear me. he stayed completely silent

i was a little worried, i don't think i have ever seen him like this before, well actually i did once, but i was still worried, i walked over slowly and sat down next to him

"you know you can talk to me about anything right ??" i asked softly

he looked over at me with tears in his eyes, i was getting even more worried now, my heart was pounding

this is your fault

tommy is upset because of you

he hates you

everyone hates you

how could you do this to him

"i-im fine, forget about it" he stood up quickly but i grabbed his hand and pulled him back on the bed

"please tom, talk to me. well i'm not forcing you to- but um if you want to, you can talk to me" my voice was a little shaky, but i think he understood what i was trying to say

he sighed deeply and looked down "i don't know toby, i feel like everyone hates me. they always talk bad about me or call me a "child" and "immature," most of the time they are "just joking" but it hurts, i'm always known for being the annoying, childish minecraft youtuber. i've always been treated like shit, i love my friends and everyone on the smp, i want them to love me back, i want them to care for me. but all they do is talk shit to the point there's no point of trying anymore. i want them to see me who i actually am, not my internet persona. but i know that'll never happen."

i felt so sorry for him, he doesn't deserve this. he's such a sweet and funny person but people don't seem to notice that in him.

i hugged him, he seemed a little taken aback by it but i didn't care. i would do anything for tommy just to feel better

he pulled away from the hug after a few minutes and said "anyways, enough about me, what were you doing before i came in ? i saw you at you sitting at your desk."

my heart froze, i left my notepad wide open on the page i was writing "uhm, i- um.."

he tilted his head slightly in confusion

"i was thinking of what to draw !! haha, i've been interested in drawing lately and wanted to give it a try."

"ooh ! you should draw me, since i'm so amazing"

i let out a small giggle and so did he, i layed down on the bed on my back, tommy doing the same after

we started talking about some random things, i remember tommy said something really funny and we started laughing uncontrollably. and soon, we drifted off to sleep

the next day

i opened my eyes and sat up, my back hurt really bad. probably from the position i was sleeping in

tommy was already out of bed, i looked for my phone then realised i left it on my desk. oh shit, oh no no no, i remembered that my notebook was still open on my desk, even after me and tommy talked about it yesterday. i got up quickly and ran over to my desk, the notebook was closed ? strange, i don't remember closing it..

tommy POV:

i woke up at 6:46AM, i barley got any sleep after last night, me and sapnap got into an arguement over uno and everyone took his side because he was "mature" and could "actually handle arguements", it just felt like the whole world was against me, except for tubbo. i love tubbo, he has always been on my side, i appreciate him more than anything.

i shuffled in my bed for a little but eventually for up and decided to make myself some coffee when i noticed something on tubbos desk while i was heading out the room

i didn't want to be nosy or anything, but i walked over to it. it was a notebook, tubbos notebook i got him for his 17th birthday that was yellow with a lot of bees on it, there was a paragraph written on the page that was opened, i couldn't stop myself from reading it, so i did.

my eyes teared up as i read through the paragraph, i needed to help him, immediately. but was i going to tell him that i found the book and read a page ? absolutely not. he would probably think that i just felt bad and didn't actually care, so i decided to spend more time with him and let him open up himself, we are pretty close so hopefully it won't be much of a problem.

i closed the notebook and headed downstairs to make that coffee i wanted.

OOPS SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING FOR A VERY LONG TIME, HERES A NEW CHAPTER FOR YOU GUYS, AGAIN SORRY FOR THE WAIT !

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