Everyone seems tired with all the activities we did. Some of my classmates were still outside, stargazing. I couldn't find Maggie and Cath so I decided to walk around with my flashlight in my hand.
"Tabi tabi po.." I whispered, giving respect to the supernatural creature in the woodland and continue to walk towards the lake. The moonlight reflect on the calm water. I could hear the faded laughter of my classmates from the distance. I once turned around and take a seat at the side of the lake. I let the silence hugs my soul as the warm breeze brush my skin. The crickets rhythm the whistling wind of the night.
"You're here.." A familiar voice I didn't expect to be here was on my back, standing still and seems like watching me for awhile now. I didn't bother to look at her as I don't know how to start a conversation or any interaction with her.
"I also love being alone." She uttered and decided to take a seat beside me. The uncontrollable heart beat is starting to make me feel anxious. How can she do it? To make me feel this way, make me feel anxious but at the same time feels so safe, that other people cannot?
"Then why did you choose to be a teacher?" I looked at her and back to the peaceful water in front of us. "You meet weird people everyday and you have to deal with them with patience. Hard- headed students and noisy classrooms like that." I continued.
"Being alone is nice. You can do whatever you want. Loner doesn't always mean have to be alone.." she sustained, "sometimes, you need someone who will understand you even in your silence, even when you don't utter any words." She meaningfully said.
"You mean those weird people can also understand you?" I confusedly asked and keep my eyes on her.
"Perhaps," she said and softly chuckled that made me smile. "I'm talking about specific people. I love teaching.. I also making it my way to escape from a certain melancholy I felt when I'm lonely." I can see how she played her fingers.
" I see.." the only words I uttered.
"We should go back to the camp, they might look for us." She was about to stand up but I pulled her hand. " We've just arrived here. A little later, and we can go back na." I flashed my pleading eyes and pout my lips a little.
"Alright." She playfully shook her head and defeatedly sit back beside me.
From the sequestered area of our camp, we could see the bonfire and its smoke going up to the thick leaves of a trees.
"How old are you again?" I asked and rub my knees using my thumb.
"It's not good to ask older women their age." She giggled. How I wish I could stop the time so we can stay like this forever. How I wish she will never be cold towards me again. A lot of things about her were occupying my mind every time she's close with me.
"And it's not good for the teacher to left their students hanging with the things they wanna know.. " I humorously answered and look at her.
"Kind of blackmailing for some reasons," she laughed and submissively waved her hand in front of her face.
"I won't force you though, it's still your privacy." I said and give her a tight smile.
A comfort silence crept in. I can feel she's glancing at me but I didn't bother to check it as I don't want the awkwardness cut this moment with her.
"Multiply your age into two, that's my age." She stood up and crossed her arms as the wind whiffs on her skin.
My eyes went wide," Oh, you're 36?!" I exclaimed. She slowly nodded and laugh again.
"See? I'm old already. " She said and click her tongue. I stood up as well and level her, I look small beside her as her height towered me.
"It's not obvious. And 36 isn't that old ano." I snickered, she just rolled her eyes, playfully.
"What makes you like me?" Her sudden question that made me stop for a second. Confusion supersede all over me as I have no idea to her unexpected question. Maybe it's time to be more open about what I feel about her. Taking the risk even when I don't really know what will be the end.
"It was uh.." I couldn't find the right words to express how she caught me by just being her. Universe know how she effortlessly making me look at her the way someone looking in her dreams. I am just a girl, far from what she have become. " Well..If you love someone, it's hard for you to express what is the truth. Because even words couldn't make it to explain how someone fall in love with the person they want. " I shyly said. Doing things like this isn't really my thing, but she can make me do what is against my pride.
She took my hand and squeezed it. I could see her smile under the moonbeam. Is this for real? The softness of her palm against mine sents tingling sensation in my spine. I look at our intertwined fingers, it makes my fingers looks short compare to her. I silently jolted when her other hand pushed aside the strand of my hair at the back of my ear.
"You are beautiful girl, Ariella.." She gently lifted my chin and look straightly into my eyes, " you will soon find out the person who's meant for you." Her expression is unreadable. I tried to look what is in the back of her brown eyes that moonlight give its shine.
"What do you mean..?" I tried my voice not to crack as I can feel the huge lamp on my throat. I wish it's not the thought that is breaking my heart, I wish it's not. I am in a dream and I am silently praying this is not going to disaster.
"I have never imagined that there's someone who will be like this towards me, someone who's not afraid to admit what she truly feels.." She softly said, still holding my hand.
"Are you overwhelmed?" I uttered despite the throbbing of my chest. My heart wants to get out, every second is passing and I couldn't bare to wait for more time.
"No.." She shook her head. Then why? What's stopping you? If loving you is a sin, I would beg just to love you right. My mind seems in a dark place, couldn't find the way into the path.
"You're still young. A lot of people will come into your life. You might like me but.." she paused.
I just don't like you, I love you.
"This is not right." She continued and finally let go of my hand. I look at her in a full of confusion. " Then we will make it right." I said, tears already fell down on my cheeks. Am I too young to be treated as if loving someone is too impossible to happen? I may not know everything right now, but I can assure how pure my love is for her.
"I'm your teacher, and you're my student. It doesn't sit right with me.." She almost whispered and bow her head.
"Bullshít." I cursed under my breath. Not again.
"I'm still your teacher, stop cursing in front of my face." She firmly said, her eyes speaks pity than being furious towards me.
"Can you stop making it as your excuse, that you're my teacher just to avoid what you truly feels?!" Tears were consecutively fell down, hands were trembling. She closed her eyes and put her hand on her mouth and put it back on her side.
I hate myself when I can't even be mad at her. I hate me as I couldn't control myself, to what I'm feeling for her.
"Ariella..please." Our eyes met. She tried to reach my hands but I took them away. I walked passed by her as I couldn't bare to see her hurting as well. I'm not dumb to not see that she's affected and also not liking what is happening.
Theres a part of me that tells me she loves me, but she's afraid to admit it. Am I just making this up? Totally not. I wouldn't fool myself by telling she loves me too if I can't feel it.
"Ariella!" She tried to call me but I didn't look back.
A dream hits by a hurricane and turned to nightmare.
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To be continued...
