KISMET

ROSES ARE RED

JENNIE

Time runs so fast that I only realized today that it's already been seven months since I gave birth. But I noticed something on my son. Whenever I whisper softly in his ear, he would smile. But when I play with him with his toys that Rosé bought, his eyes don't follow the direction where I sway it.

I called my Doctor and told her about my observation. She said that she will do some tests when Marcus turns one. I wish my son can see how handsome he is and to see the beautiful creations of God around him.

I heard Lisa's car horn outside and I rushed to open it for her while having Marcus in my arms. We must talk about what I found out on Marcus.

But I think she has a surprise for me. It's not only her who got off the car but also a young lady just my age.

Did she hire a nanny? Why is she not consulting this with me? But she doesn't look like she's applying to be a nanny.

I went inside and waited for them, she let the woman sit on the couch first.

She came to me while I was putting Marcus in his crib.

"Jen, she's Dane. Uhmm. I brought her here and maybe you would like to explore?" Fuck. I know what she meant. Why are you doing this to me, Lisa?

I faced her and listened to her. She kept explaining but all I am hearing is the hurt that kills my ear.

"This is just going to be a threesome. I just thought of it last night. Maybe we could—." I did not let her finish.

"No." I turned my back and she went out of our baby's room.

I closed the door and before that, I saw them coming inside our room. Our room where we sleep together.

I tried not hurt myself but I couldn't be blind anymore.

Lisa is cheating on my very face. And my ears could hear them moaning and doing dirty stuff inside the room.

I just went back to my son's room and cried.

I was just staring at the ceiling crying until it's already dark. I heard her knocking. She just came in and sat beside me.

"I'm hungry." She said and stood up.

I went to the kitchen and cooked our food. It's so painful inside looking at her like nothing happened. Why is she doing this to me?

After dinner, I got to chance to talk to her.

"Your son might not see what's around him. I have observed he's not granted with sight. But the Doctor said, she'll check on him when he turns one to really know what's going on. I'm afraid, Lisa." I told her.

She looked at me and her tear fell.

But I was shocked when she threw her glass of brandy and it got broken.

Days passed and she is still the same. I am used to this treatment from her but I still could not forget that she fucked someone here at home.

It keeps haunting me. But what can I do? As much as I want to leave her, I can't. I care for her. And now that my period again did not occur.

I did a test through a kit, I got a positive result.

I told her about it and she just got angry with me.

"I have asked you so many times to buy me pills. I am willing to take it even if it will harm my health just to make you happy and because I also want to make love with you. But you always forget to give me money for it. Many times I begged you to use a protection but you never did. Do you think I am ready for another child, Lisa? I'm not. I want to focus on Marcus first knowing that he has this condition. But if ever I am really pregnant, I will still love my children fairly." I said while crying.

She just walked out and never talked to me.

The next day, I brought myself to my Doctor again. And we found that I am positively a month pregnant.

I don't know what to do anymore. I told my Mom right away and she is so worried. I informed Rosé. She is happy but whens he asked me how I am, I just cried.

I want to look for a job. Even just a light one so I can somehow sustain myself and my kids but she won't let me. Lisa gives money, but you have to hear a lot of hurtful words first. Sometimes, it's better not to ask at all. I have debts to my mother already. I even lowered my pride to Rosé one time to borrow money so I can buy my son's milk but she went to our house right away and brought a lot of milk, diapers and food.

It's just so hard dealing with Lisa. I just can't leave her because there were days too that she is so good to me. I just don't understand why she's not consistent.

When we make love, she makes me feel that I am loved. But when I need her the most when it comes to my emotions, she's not willing to share herself to me.

After more months of struggling, the Doctor confirmed that Marcus is blind. But she said that when Marcus turns two and if there's a donor, an operation can be conducted just for Marcus to see. All I have to do is prepare money for the surgery.

On his first birthday, I told Lisa about it and I was expecting for her to celebrate it with us. But she chose to go out with some friends. Rosé remembered and she's the one who brought food at the house together with her Mom and Dad. They felt that there's something wrong here in the house. They have been calling Lisa to join us but she is not answering.

I just cry my heart out to the Lord when pain strikes. Everyday is a pain that I have to deal with. I am not just living for myself here, I have children now to think about.

But still, I never missed a chance of taking care of Lisa. This is so tiring. But I still believe that one day, she will change for the better. I am not hoping it would be for me, but I pray that she'll change for the kids.

I should really hope when the truth is, she's not even showing some love to her son here at home? I never saw her carry him. She would just stare at him.

I am just happy that Rosé gave me a phone after I gave birth with Marcus. I get to call my Mom and let them see my son most of the time. I also call my friends in Korea and introduced my son to them. There was a time that Jisoo was the one who reminded me that it's my birthday during our video call with some friends.

I forgot.

I was expecting Lisa to just greet me but she never did. How will she do it if she doesn't even know my birthday maybe.

I slept at my baby's room, crying and weeping in misery. I did not expect this kind of marriage for me. I was hopeful that Lisa will learn to love me. But why is it not happening? Is there something wrong with me?

I fell asleep, maybe just a nap because someone planted kisses on my neck that woke me up.

It's her. She has roses for me. She kissed my lips and greeted me.

"Am I dreaming?" I asked her while crying. She shook her head and kissed me again.

She took my hand after I carried Marcus and brought us to the living area. She has a cake for me!

See! See why I can't leave Lisa like all of you want?

You don't understand how happy I am with her small gestures.

We spent the night eating and watching a film. I also told her about my pregnancy and she gave me a smile. She promised to really try her best to become a better partner for me and parent to our kids. She apologized for everything she has done.

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Jen, ano ba?! Nanggigigil na ako sa'yo. :(