KISMET

YOU GOT A MESSAGE

JENNIE

I drove myself going to the café where Eun-woo and I decided to meet. I have to clear things with him. I am not comfortable anymore when he's around. I feel like cheating even if I don't have a relationship with him. I realize that I also let him expect in the air even if told him already that I don't want to entertain suitors. He's a good person and so willing to accept me even if I have children already.

But you can't really teach your heart. You can't even convince your mind that easy who to fall in love with.

"Jen, I missed you. Why aren't you answering my calls lately? When I go to your house, your Mom tells me you don't want to talk to people. How are you?" Eun-woo's concern is really unquestionable.

"I'm good. I asked you to meet me because I have to tell you something." I said.

"I'm listening." He is really sincere.

"I am so sorry. I don't want you to expect. I can't love someone else, Eun. It's still her. I am so sorry. But I really appreciate your kindness to me all these years." I cried.

He looked down and shed a tear. I waited for him to process things.

"I understand, Jen. I don't want to force you too. How is she now? Are you guys talking?" He asked.

"No. My mother told me Lisa has recovered and her body is improving. Her sight is back too. Thank God!" How I wish I will be able to see Lisa soon.

"Talk things out with her. I know from the very start that you always belong to her. You just kept denying it to yourself because of fear.

But Jen, what is not frightening in this world? As we live, we keep facing all the humps and wounds. Just keep going. If you think the love you have for her is worth fighting for, go for it! I think Lisa has changed a lot. She learned the hard way. She may be at her problematic self before, but I guess, what's important is the kind of people both of you are now.

You're the only one who can say if you can still give her another chance." I did not expect he would say this. I am expecting him to walk out.

"Thank you so much, Eun!" And I left the place and went home.

I directly came inside my room and cried on bed. I am really missing Lisa so much. Yes, the pain of the past is still here. I am helping myself. I know it will all be healed in time.

But I don't know why her absence is more painful.

I was taken for granted, but that doesn't mean I have to do it to her too when she is trying her best to show me that she really changed for the better.

I admit, I just appreciate all her efforts now. I can't blame myself too because I believe that everything is a process that we must go through until we see the light again.

I got out of the room and I heard my mother and Lisa talking through video call. I got a glass of water from the kitchen and I heard that she is in Seoul right now. As much as I want to listen to their conversation, I chose not to because listening to her voice breaks my heart. I miss her so much!

Before I went to bed, I checked on my children in their room first. I just realized that they got most of their features from Lisa. I am crying. But I am happy to see that they are healthy and kind to people as they grow up.

I saw an unfinished art piece of Marcus at the corner. It's a painting of our family. It filled my heart with warmth. Are we still going to have Lisa back? Will we ever be complete again? I tried so many times to communicate to her but she never gave me a response. I really want to be with her that I desperately got her US address from Rosé.

But I also don't want to bother her especially during her healing. God knows how much I want to take care of my better half. I still pray at night that she may be guided and safe wherever she is.

But maybe Lisa is right. She's right that we must grow apart for us to become better parents for our children.

I got a message from Jisoo asking my situation. She has been my comfort since Lisa gave me what I wanted— the divorce. The divorce that I didn't let to happen. Never signed it. It was easy for me to ask for it but when it landed on my hand, I never thought it would be shattering.

Jisoo visits London thrice a month. She always makes sure that she spends time with me and my kids. Our friendship has become stronger. I don't know how to deal with my misery without her. She would always give me words of encouragement.

After the call, I opened my Facebook and looked at Lisa's profile. Her last post was still our photo with our kids during Axl's christening. Surprisingly, I only knew just now that her profile picture is both of us in one frame that she set two years ago.

I tried sending her a voice message again on Viber. "I miss you! I miss you so much, Lis. I hope you are fine. Please do not hesitate to call me when you need me.". And she was able to receive it. But still I got no reply from her.

I diverted my attention by scrolling on social media. 

I found an online magazine post. God! It's Lisa and she is so hot in her khaki suit on the cover. I read the interview article about her. It somehow knocked my heart.

She is so inspiring. I haven't seen how she worked so hard. My knees almost melted when I read her statement about our children and it is so touching. Her advices to young pilots amazed me too. I am so proud of her for being part on the list of most influential persona in aviation industry.

I suddenly remember how she looked like when I first saw her in uniform. She was so hot and handsome! I also reminisced the time I first met her at the bar.

I am like a fool crying and smiling as it all come inside my head.

I fell in love with her so fast. But never in my life I felt any regret marrying her. Yes, we may had the most ugly phase as married couple, but I guess, things happened for a reason. There's always a reason behind every failure.

If I could turn back time, maybe I will value myself more. Maybe I would not give in easily. Maybe I should have given her a little challenge to win me. I was young and innocent. She was this wild and deadly. And I just fell in love with her!

But what's done is done. We can no longer change the past, but we can still keep learning from it and think of today and the future.

I can say that somehow, this separation from her gave me the bravery to face life all by myself. She's right, I got to know myself better.

How ironic. The person who broke me into pieces is also the instrument to renew myself into someone who can do more. Not only as a partner, but most especially, as a mother to my children and a boss to my employees at the jewelry store. Lisa is making me realize now that no matter what, I will always be my children's mother. And with that, I must be brave for them. I must be the parent they'll be proud of because I am raising them right.

My daydreaming was interrupted by a Viber message.

From Lisa.

My heart is jumping in joy! I am crying in excitement! This is the first message ever I got from her since she left for US.

L: I am coming home soon. Not too soon. But I will be there. I am sorry for letting you raise our kids alone for now. Thank you so much for being the best Mama to them. I'll fill my part once I get there. Take care, Jennie.