KISMET

CARDIFF UNEXPECTEDLY

LISA

I am so hesitant to ask her if she still remembers this event I told her a month ago. I really want Jennie to be with me on that event. I want her to be my inspiration because it's my first time to do a motivational talk. 

But I don't know how to approach her as I have been abiding to her rule— to give her space. We still see each other at their house when I visit my kids. 

But lately she has been busy. The music video came out and it was a bomb! Everyone talked about Jennie. She got a positive feedback from people. I swear, she's drop dead gorgeous not only in real life but also on that video. 

Everyone talks about how beautiful and hot she is. I am so happy that she is gaining confidence. You took that away, Lisa. Let her shine individually now. It hurts me to know that she did not use my last name as her screen name. She used her very own Jennie Kim. But it's ok. What matters most is her success and happiness.

She got a lot of endorsements right away. But she said in one of her social interviews that she'll just do modeling and endorsements and will avoid acting as it is not really her expertise. And she also wants privacy for our kids. I learned from Rosé that someone manages her now.

I also saw her many times dating Eun-woo. As usual, I hide and cry when I get home.

I am a loser. I deserve this. 

What can I do? As I always say, I can't force Jennie to be with me again. But whenever she needs me, I always make myself available. Sometimes she calls me to go with her in some of her interviews to drive for her. I never complained because that the only time I could get closer to her. 

I just hide somewhere else so people won't talk about us. I know there are few who are aware that she is married to me. But Jennie's shining moment is so important to me too. Women look up to her. She became an icon of strength and beauty to them. 

It reminded me how stupid I was before for hurting this wonderful woman. 

But I am happy that what she has achieved now made her confident. It was fast, but it keeps going. I am so proud of her.

Maybe I should text her. I must know if she is coming or not so I won't expect.

L: Jen?

J: Yes?

L: Are you busy tomorrow?

J: Uhm. I am having a magazine shoot in the morning. Why?

L: Hmmm. Remember that ball at Cardiff? I asked you to be my date a month ago. Are you still available to come with me? We'll leave London at two in the afternoon tomorrow. I understand if you have commitments. Just let me know.

My hands are shaking and my heart is pounding while waiting for her reply.

J: Oh shucks! I am so sorry. I forgot about that, Lisa. Can I let you know tomorrow morning if I can go?

Told you.

L: I understand, Jen. I'll go by myself. No need to worry about it. Take your time. :)

J: Ok. I will message you right after my shoot. 

I didn't bother her anymore. The moment I put my phone down, I just sobbed. 

Should I really give her the freedom she desires? What if Jennie finds out that I am not really processing the divorce?

Should I move on too? God. I can't. I love her. And I am still so much willing to wait for the right timing and for her forgiveness.