𝐈𝐧 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐬

CHAPTER FOUR

FOUR

IRIS

"When you're falling backwards, and no one's catching you
When your heart just shatters, too many pieces to pick it up
You keep finding a way just to live alone,
Nothing to say, staring at your phone
And your life is going on..."

    For the twelfth time this morning, I was dialing his number. And as expected but not hoped for, it got busied once again. For the twelfth time. At this point, tears welled up in my eyes as I contemplated calling him again. I however knew better, because I was certain that immediately these two weeks were exhausted, I'd go back to my real life. To my job. My management. My fans. My haters. My boyfriend.

I remembered when we'd just gotten together, exactly seven months ago. It was like a dream come true. All news networks, papers, blogs, magazines, covered the event. Rumours had it that we were going to get engaged and tie the knot as soon as possible. Now, I was certain I had no intention of getting married to him. I loved him yes, and he said he loved me too, but how do you comfortably hit, cheat on, ghost and fucking snub someone you claim to be in love with.

Before we started dating, he was just Jared Chukwuma. Tall, fair, kind, sweet, anything good you could possibly imagine in a boy. But then, two and half months into our relationship and that began to switch up rather gradually. He began to snap at me, snapping turned to yelling, yelling turned to hitting, which often resulted in frequent breakups, ghosting for weeks or giving me silent treatment, until he needed me to "speak" to someone in high places for him. I was surprised how none of these ever got to the media.

I'd begun to feel like I was just a tool for sex and fame to Jared. I was aware that for my safety, I had to leave the relationship and fast, but I couldn't because I was scared of what he'd do to me. So, I waited, very patiently, for him to break up with me like he always used to so that instead of begging him to stay this time around, I can finally walk out. I guess he must've found out about that plan because for the past one month, he'd seemed to be reverting to the Jared I'd met. Until yesterday, the eight of August, when I'd left for a two week summer camp without informing him apparently, that the duration was two whole weeks. So now, we were back to the silent treatment stage. I'd spammed his DM on WhatsApp and he made sure to read each and every one of my messages and not reply any, and go about posting on his status.

He even had the guts to post about how he'd miss me and how he hoped none of the guys here would take me away from him, while completely ignoring my existence.

The nerve.

Sighing, I plugged in my airpods and set my phone on do not disturb, tucked it into the bag secured tightly around my waist, then left the dormitory to the field for sports.

Soon after, while we jogged, Kygo's Broken Glass, featuring Kim Petras came on, and as usual, I was transported into another universe entirely. The colours, blue and grey danced around in my head, changing shades with every changed note, and this was only the beginning of the song. Just the beginning. There was something about Kygo's notes which just made me want to melt and be one with these colours which so vividly accompanied every rise and fall of the pitch of that piano.

"We were so close to something right, but we're stupid, but we're stupid, but we're stupid-"

That line always got me. Made me wonder whether my relationship with Jared had ever really been based on love. I thought I loved him, but the song made me question. Did I really love Jared? Was I truly in love with him? Or was it his looks, his charm, the adoration from fans, the approval, the sex?