Open Secret

Mrs Moon

Moonbyul likes girls. Of course I know she is a lesbian, gay or queer or whatever the kids call it these days.

I know she likes girls.

It was never an issue with me. I have learned in the early stage of her life that she will never be the same little girl like everyone else's.

She will always be different.

During her teenage years, she never once told me anything about her preferences. It was a bit hush hush between us. I won't ask her about any boyfriend and she won't discuss anything about her love life.

It's private since we're just a regular Korean family. Being Asian and constrained to the old ways.

She looks so scared in the early days and it hurt me seeing my daughter like that. Being scared to open up about the real her.

She is the oldest so the burden is on her. To be the first one to get married and have kids. Usually, in any regular household, the oldest would be the first. In everything.

If she doesn't want any of that, she will forever be burdened.

Byulyi finally comes out to me when she was telling me about this girl. Her senior from school that she is still in contact with.

She comes up to me and said she had confessed to someone. She has fallen in love.

And it was with a girl.

Byul was a stuttering mess. Her hands were shaking while telling me the story.

"Eomma....I..I'm sorry but I've fallen for someone. But it's a girl. I'm sorry."

Byulyi looks guilty. Like she had done the biggest crime in her life. My sweet Byulyi looks devastated.

I pulled her in a hug and whispered softly.

"It's ok baby. I know. I've always known."

She sobs on my shoulder for a while. Feeling relieved that she finally has the courage to say it. To finally be who she really is.

My daughter seldom confides with me. About any difficulties in her life. If it's too much, she will keep mum. Don't want to worry us.

It's still a parent's job right? To worry.

When Byulyi started dating, she was so happy. I love seeing her becoming so smitten telling stories about her date and how the confession is. It softens my heart.

Then, she went for an audition as Idols and she got accepted into RBW. She started her training on a strict schedule. She doesn't visit us that often anymore.

Slowly, her talks about her girlfriend lessened.

I did ask once why it was like that.

"We broke up eomma. It will never work I guess. It's just too hard."

"You don't want to try?"

"I don't want to give her false hope. She deserves to be with someone who could be in public with her. Not hiding behind closed doors."

That was all the talks about her girlfriend I get. For years after that Byulyi put her whole energy into her career.

Writing songs, composing music and being on tour. Living the Idol's life in full.

I watch as Moonbyul who talks about love while smiling happily is now gone.

Dissapeared without a trace.

Young love is like that I guess. They come and go.

Moonbyul took good care of our family. Her focus shifts to us. All of her work and money is showered to her family.