Broken | Kiribaku | Angst

3- Nightmares

Beep, beep, beep....

A flood of panic shoots through me as Eijiro's heart monitor draws silent.

No no no no no

This isn't happening...

He's gone, he's gone, he's gone-

I launch up from my position, so fast I almost fall from my bed.

It's not real...it's ok, it's ok, it's ok...

I'm hyperventilating, my hands shaking and my mind racing. The darkness and emptiness of my room is unsettling, creating an empty feeling in my stomach.

I'm alone.

I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down and I sit on top of my shaking hands.

It's ok...it was just a dream

A flood of relief drifts through me as I check the time.

5am

I don't have to go back to sleep. Crawling out of bed, I walk to my door, switching on my light and taking one last glance over my room before I leave.

My beds messy, the blankets scattered, there's a pile of clothes just chucked in the corner of my room. My tie still lays next to the mirror.

The door startles me as it opens with a creak. I make my way down the hallway and down the stairs to the living room.

"Kacchan? Where are you going?" Deku asks but I ignore him and head to the door.

Tears form in my eyes as I run out of the dorms and onto a street nearby, running towards the nearest bus stop.

"H-hurry," I mumble to myself, choking on my words as tears spill down my cheeks.

I have to See Eijiro

~

31-B, the door creaks open sending a violent shiver down my spine. My eyes are red and puffy from crying and I hold a letter in my hand, as gentle as I can still making sure I don't drop it.

Making myself as comfortable as I can in a hospital, I carefully unfold and open the letter.

'Dear Katsuki,

If your reading this it mean I've done it. Thoughts come and go in your head like seasons, one after the other and the occasional same thought here and there. But not for me. Bad and scary thoughts enter my head and don't leave. No matter what I do I just can't put up with it anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is how I've chosen to go out and I'm sorry that you have to live with my actions and you have to face the consequences not me.

I've been struggling with depression for about a year now and it's getting too hard to go on. Everything's going wrong and I felt suicide was the only way out and I'm sorry if it's selfish. I just can't see myself becoming a hero anymore and if I can't be a hero I have no purpose. I've lost the motivation that's kept me going.

You are the manliest person I know and I mean that. I really do wish you the best in life and hope nothing brings you down. You are an amazing person and I know how much you care deep down even though you don't always express it. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate and love you.

I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. I just couldn't take it anymore. They say people don't care when your struggling and only when your gone and those people are right. They're right about everyone but you. You stuck by my side through everything and I've always admired you for that. No matter what your determined, you set goals and do everything you can to achieve them.

Your motivation and skills have always impressed me. I left when you were at your worst and I understand if you never forgive me for that. I know you're really struggling right now with your anxiety and I've probably only made that worse. Just know I'll always be here looking down on you.

I believe in you. Become the number 1 hero for me, Katsuki Bakugou.

Lots and lots of love,
Eijiro Kirishima xoxo'

Tears stream down my face as I sob into my arms, some tears falling onto the letter before I shield it away.

Why? Why did you have to go...I could've helped. I should've done something.

If only you had called me before you went so I could talk to you one last time.

I love you too
____________________________
This is the saddest thing I've ever written.
Hope you enjoyed <3

Word Count: 752

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