Heartbeat (ON-HOLD)

Chapter 26.

BIANCA’s POV
 
We are still hugging right now, her head on my chest. No one’s talking. I’m happy, very happy. But… I’m still scared. Ayaw ko lang ipahalata, ayaw ko ipaalam sa kanila dahil baka kapag nalaman nila na natatakot ako, baka di na ulit sila magtiwala sa akin. I know what I did last time I felt this, I hurt her, I hurt everyone around me. Now here I am again, kapag sigurado na ako sa lahat, saka ko lang mararamdaman yung takot na baka masaktan ko ulit sila, lalo na si Yumi.
I sighed.
 
“You make me calm” Yumi suddenly blurted out. I looked above dahil naiiyak ako. Not because I am sad but because sobrang saya ko. I sniff kaya umalis si Yumi sa pagkakayakap sa akin at tiningnan ako.
 
“Why are you crying?” she asked
 
“I’m just happy Yumi. Thank you for saying that” sabi ko. Wala siyang sinabi at niyakap ulit ako. She’s so clingy. And I am not complaining.
 
I caress her hair.
 
“Can you sing anotoher song for me?” she said
 
“mhmm” sabi ko while playing with her hair. She snuggled closer to me then hides her face on my neck. Oh gahd, the tingling sensation I am feeling. Shit.
 
“your favorite song. I just---- I want to hear your singing voice again.” Sabi niya. This is killing me. Kinikilig ako ng Malala. Yung puso ko gusto nang sumabog. Buti na lang nilipat na niya yung ulo niya kanina na nasa chest ko.
 
“hmmm. Okay.” I said. “mmm. You want me to get my guitar?” I added. I felt her head shaking.
 
“No. You’re warm. I like this.” She said. I blushed at that. She’s so clingy and shy. Ahhk. What a cutie.
 
“oh. O-okay” I said blushing. Buti hindi niya nakikita. Shet. Malala ka na Bianca
 
 
(Listen to Just One Kiss by Loving Caliber)
 
🎶
I did a lot of bad things
Never did i give in
Just 'cause the thought of being vulnerable
Made me feel less than i am
I have never felt home
'til you entered my door
And from that moment i knew
That our home is whatever you choose
I still think about you 🎶
 
 
This song makes me calm actually. It’s my favorite song. My song for her.

🎶
{chorus}
The best thing i did—and i want you to know
Was letting you in from that moment i knew
That you're all i missed
Baby, it took just one kiss
'cause here in your arms i can finally let go
The rest of the world is outside when you make sure
I'm all you missed
Baby, it takes just one kiss🎶

🎶
Many years have run by
Many tears have dried out
I know that i will be with you
As long as you still want me to
All the things we've been through
Everything's that's me and you
There isn't anything else that i
Wished i had done to be true
Yeah, that's the thing about you 🎶

 
I sighed after that lyrics. I meant all of that. The lyrics, I’m not just singing it, I’m telling her what I truly feel, what I am feeling right now.

🎶
{chorus x2}
The best thing i did—and i want you to know
Was letting you in from that moment i knew
That you're all i missed
Baby, it took just one kiss
'cause here in your arms i can finally let go
The rest of the world is outside when you make sure
I'm all you missed
Baby, it takes just one kiss🎶

 
After I sang the song, she held my hands.
 
“You make me nervous” she said now playing with my hands
 
 
 “Same. You have no idea how fast my heart is beating right now Meng.” Sabi ko
 
 
Silence.
 
 
“B, Meng. Food’s ready. Come outside.” Sigaw ni Ate Ashtine
 
“Coming po ate” Sigaw ni Yumi pero hindi humihiwalay sa akin.
 
“Uhh. L-let’s go” sabi ko
 
“You’re warm. Can we stay like this for a little more time?” sabi nito. I stiffened. Naramdaman niya siguro yon kaya umalis siya sa pagkakayakap sa akin at tiningnan ako. Now I feel awkward dahil nakikita na niya yung mukha ko.
 
 
“UHH. I---- I’m sorry. Am I being too clingy?” tanong nito
I immediately shook my head “No Meng. It’s just that, nakakapanibago. Nagulat lang ako. But I’m happy. It’s okay na clingy ka, gustong- gusto ko nga na ganyan ka. It’s okay. I like that, too.” I said to her then smiles widely at her assuring her na totoo lahat ng sinabi ko.
 
She nods. “Okay. Let’s go outside. I’m hungry. “ She said. Tumango ako at nauna na siyang lumabas.
 
“Woooh. That---- WOW!” I held my chest. This is crazy. Totoo po ba itong nangyayari? WOW!
 
 
“Come on B. They’re waiting” sabi ni Yumi peeking inside our tent. She’s waiting for me. WOW!
 
 
Agad naman akong lumabas. Sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa dining table. They are already there, nakasimangot.
 
“Tagal tagal naman kasi. Gutom na kami” reklamo ni Fatima
 
“Ay hala, sorry Fat.” Sabi ni Yumi. OMG Fatima!
 
“Huy. Joke lang yun Meng. Okay lang hehe” sabi ni Fat. Di na nga kasi sanay si Yumi ng naaasar. Yun ang isa sa naobserve ko sa kanya, di na siya sanay sa jokes ng magbabarkada. Everything we do, everything she does, it’s all serious to her. Hindi na siya mabiro, na para bang nag-iingat siya sa mga salitang bibitawan niya, nagiging sensitive siya sa bawat salitang binibitawan ng tao sa paligid niya. Kaya nga pati kami, nag iingat sa mga sinasabi naming when she’s around.
 
Yumi awkwardly smiled and scratch the back of her head. Cute!
 
After we ate, we decided to prepare for our bonfire. We’re gonna drink! Yes! Walwalan na this.
 
“Can I text Adi? I wanna ask for her permission lang if she wants me to drink alcohol” sabi ni Yumi
 
“ahmm. No” sabi ni Ate Ash shaking her head. Yumi pouts
 
“Ate baka magalit si Adi” sabi nito still pouting. Cute sana siya kaya lang yung words na sinasabi niya, hindi. Hmp
 
“No Meng. You promised us. You can decide on your own babe. Trust us. Trust yourself.” Said Ate Ashtine.
 
She nods her head still pouting. Cute. Pumagitna naman agad ito kay Heart at Max at isinandal yung ulo niya sa balikat ni Heart.
 
Dumating si Ashtine and Fatima kasama yung mga gagawa ng bonfire. Tumayo naman ako to get the cooler with drinks in it.
 
Oh yeah! Let us get all wasted. I screamed inside my head. I think I’m going crazy! Ahhh. I’m fucking jealous and I have no right. Yes! Ugh
 
 
“You need help?” nabitawan ko yung baso na dala dala ko dahil biglang nasa likod ko na pala si Yumi. Agad naman itong lumapit at kinuha yung basong nahulog.
 
“You okay? Sorry nagulat ka ba?” she innocently asked me. Ay hindi, hindi ako nagulat.
 
 
“No, it’s fine. Blame the coffee.” I said smiling.
 
She laughed. “You’re crazy” she said
 
Yeah, Maybe I am. For you. I said to myself.
 
I looked at her cause she’s looking intently at me. What?
 
“Did you just say you’re crazy? For me?” she asked. Oh shoot!
 
“Did I--- blurt it out loud?” I said then covers my mouth. She giggled.
 
“I am not supposed to hear that right?” she said. I nod.
 
“Oh. Okay then. I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, then pretend that you don’t know that I heard that.” Sabi nito. Kumunot noo ko.
 
“Oh. Did you get what I mean?” She said slightly closing her eyes, scanning my face siguro to see if I get what she meant. Hahaha. What a cutie. “Oh yeah that’s a lot of ‘that’ in one sentence. Sorry!” she added.
 
I laughed. “You’re cute. Hahaha. I don’t mind tho. I don’t mind you knowing what’s inside my head. I want you to know what I truly feel” sabi ko. Nagulat naman siya
 
“Oh. T—thanks. Uhhh--- L-let’s go? Let’s get out of here and get wasted. Yesss” sabi nito and stormed out in an instant. Wow! What are you doing Bianca? You just--- what a moron you are self! Ayts.
Now, how will I carry this alone? Ugh
 
“Need help?” nagulat ulit ako sa nagsalita.
 
“Max!” sigaw ko dito. Tumawa naman ito ng malakas.
 
“What did you do to my sister? She’s a mess when she stormed out of the door” sabi nito. W-what?
 
“Huh? What do you mean a mess? Is she crying?” I asked back
 
“Oh. Her reaction is far from crying, I guess. She seems blushing. What did you guys do?” sabi nito. W-what again? B-blushing? I vowed my head. OMG! She blushed. And now, I’m also blushing. Fuck!
 
“Ooooh. Did you guys kiss?” sabi ni Max kaya napatingin agad ako sa kanya. I lightly slapped her shoulder.
 
“Crazy. Why would you even consider the fact that we kissed? She’s clearly not into me, and already moved on….. Oh. No, we didn’t kiss. But I wish.. N-no, we uhh- we didn’t…. Kiss” sabi ko at umalis na sa harap niya at naglakad ng mabilis papunta sa bonfire area. I saw Yumi happily talking to Heart and Fatima. Lumapit ako sa kanila. I looked at Yumi, she stared back, for a second, dahil inalis niya din yung tingin niya agad.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bonfire started. Cool breeze starting to hit our skin. I looked at the person in front of me. She has her eyes closed while leaing her head on the shoulder of Heart. She’s so fuvking beautiful.
 
 
“Matunaw.” bulong ng katabi ko sa akin.
 
I sighed.
 
 
“She looks calmer now, right?” I nod. Looking back at her again. That’s true.
 
“Curious din ako on what happened to her and I can see andmaing nagbago sa kanya. I want to know, what really happened pero she’s scared to open up. We want ot help her pero she’s scared to open her feeling to us.” the person beside me added. I didn’t look at the person beside me because I’m still staring at Yumi
 
“Hmmm. Ate Ash, I’m curious too you know? Pero we can see na she’s struggling parin na magopen about the things happened sa US. I understand how you feel pero, Max and Heart is true, we cannot force her, not until she’s ready. Hindi madali yung pinagdadaanan niya, alam natin yan, kahit hindi natin alam what really happened, by the look on her face and the way Max and Heart is treating her right now. Ate, please be patient with Meng. Let us all be patient with her. Time will come. For now, iparamdam natin sa kanya na she’s not alone, na nasa tabi natin siya kahit anong mangyari. Okay?” paliwanag ko kay Ate Ashtine at tumingin dito.
 
“hmm. Yes. Sorry Biancakes.” sabi nito
 
 
“uhh. why are you saying sorry?”I asked. Inalis niya yung tingin niya sa akin.
 
 
“Nothing.” sabi nito at kinuha yung drinks niya. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin. Uhh. Something’s off.
 
 
“Come on. Let’s all get wasted.” SIgaw ni Ate Ashtine.
 
 
I shrugged at my thought. Wala naman siguro yon no? Siguro she just feels sorry for opening up to me about the situation of Yumi? uhh. Yes. She’s right. Let us all get wasted.
 
 
Humiram kami ng speaker sa nagbabantay dito. Para kaming nasa bar pero open area kasi malamig, hindi mabaho, tapos kami lang ang tao. hahaha
 
 🎶
And we can Build this dream together
Standing strong forever
Nothing’s Gonna stop us now🎶