(Sean's POV)
It's been a little over two months since the pups' parents took them back. Things aren't the same without them here - I don't think it will ever be the same without them around here. Ivann barely functions when he's home. At work, he puts on a mask and throws himself into his paperwork to distract himself from the absences in his daily life, but when he gets home, he shuts down. He barely talks, he mostly just cries or sits quietly in one of their rooms. He barely eats enough to sustain himself. He hardly even looks at me anymore. And when we go to bed, the gap between us is back. That is, if he even joins me in our bed.
I have to admit; I have those moments too when I just want to shut down and die. Mostly they happen when I pull into the driveway and see the basketball hoop and the untouched basketball sitting next to the garage on the ground. When I enter the house - it's a house now, not a home anymore - and I don't hear them or when I walk down the hall and look into their rooms and don't see them. Those moments, the pain I feel is something that I deal with every day, but I keep going for him.
I think he resents me for the way I acted at the school when they took the pups, or lack thereof. I don't think he truly understood what I went through when I watched them take the pups away. To him, they were a part of the family that he always wanted, to me, yes, they were also a part of the family that I always wanted, but they were more than just some part of my family, they were the pups I thought I could never have.
"I made some dinner. Are you going to join me?" I asked as he moped into the house, just as I was finishing setting the table. His eyes fell from mine, immediately, and his ears dropped as he shook his head. "C'mon, eat something," I told him as I walked over and took his briefcase from him, and then walked him to the table. "Please," I begged as I pulled out a chair for him.
He made no movement to take his seat. Instead, he just stood there, looking down at the floor. "I'm not hungry," he mumbled, so much that I almost didn't understand him.
"You need to eat something, Ivann," I told him as I pushed his plate of food closer to him. "Just a little. Please, for me?"
"I'm not hungry," he mumbled again, as he stepped back from the table.
"You need to eat," I said, getting a bit frustrated with him.
All at once, it came out, everything that he had been holding in for the past months. "I'm not like you! I can't just go on like they were never here!" he yelled at me, tears flowing from his eyes.
"Just go on like they were never here?" I echoed as I glared at him. "It's my fault that they were here in the first place!" I growled, slamming my hand down on the table, rattling the plates and silverware.
"What? No, it's not."
"It is my fault," I repeated, tears stinging my eyes. "This all happened because of me. We're both hurting because of me because I'm sterile," I told him, having to turn away to say that last part.
"This isn't because of that," he said as he stepped up to me.
"Really?! Because, if you ask me, it is!" I barked at him as I moved away from him. "If I wasn't sterile, we'd probably be expecting a pup, right now, from that stupid fertility clinic, not being a part of some foster care program, opening up our home to unwanted and abused pups, only to have them taken away, just when we've gotten attached to them! So, yeah, it is all because of me!" I snarled at him.
"You're wrong. You are not at fault for this... I am," he said meekly, his ears falling. "I'm the one who wanted a family so bad that I did whatever I could do to get one, without thinking about you, when I should have just been happy with the family I already had. I should have just been happy with you, Sean, but I wanted more," he cried as he looked into my eyes. He froze. "I-I should have just been happy with you," he repeated his revelation, and then he took off, running out of the house and getting into his car.
I heard the engine start and the tires squeal as he pulled out onto the pavement and sped away, but I didn't move. I couldn't move.
