Starry Night

PROLOGUE

All my life I thought, family are the first person who  I could lean on. I thought they would share with me whenever I fail and fall. I thought they were the first person who can understand me whenever I was confused.  Pero akala ko lang pala.

I came from a wealthy family. I eat three times a day with a decent meal. I was able to study in a decent and prestigious schools. All the luxuries was given to me by my parents. Maybe, for others, having this kind of life was a blessing. But for me, it's the other way around. I'm grateful for what I have but this is not the life I dream of. I know. I know that I already have it all but why I feel like I'm not contented and happy at all?

"How's your pre-lim exam result?" I heard my dad's voice.

I looked at dad. He's now sitting at the other end of the dining table. He's busy reading the newspaper's headline while sipping his tea. I choose not to say anything. I just pretended that I didn't heard him asked me questions and turned back my attention to what I was eating

"Didn't you heard me, Hayami?I'm asking you." He's manly voice echoed inside the dining area.

I closed my eyes hardly as I heaved a deep sigh. I just want to have a peaceful morning while eating my breakfast. But why does it have to be like this? Can't i have a peaceful morning without being scolded by anyone in this house?Is it too much to asked?

"What do you want to hear?Ofcourse, I failed." sarkastikong sagot ko."That's the answer you've been looking for right?I failed, again." I faint a smile while looking at them one by one.

"You failed because you didn't do your best. You're not taking it seriously. You know what, you're just wasting the money and time. Why can't you be like your siblings?" Disappointment was visible in his eyes.

"Remember that we're a family of doctors. Each member of this family is not a looser. We always excel because we're good at everything."

Those words were like daggers that stabbed my chest multiple times. I'm used to it.I'm used to hear those kind of words from him. Ano pa bang aasahan ko mula sa Daddy ko?For him I'm a failure. For them, I'm a digrace to our family's image.

"Yeah, I'm good at arts too. But you still want me to pursue medicine even though i'm not into this field."

Hinampas ng dalawang palad ni Dad ang lamesa. Rinig na rinig iyon sa loob ng dining area sa lakas ng impact non. Ngunit kahit ganoon ay hindi ako nagpatinag.

"Do you think that arts can make you a living?Hmm?Ofcourse not. Wala kang mapapala sa arts na 'yan. So better prepare and study harder for your next exams. You're such a disappointment."

Tumayo na ako kahit na hindi pa ako tapos sa kinakain. I can't sit there while swallowing all those hurtful words they're throwing at me. The pain that I'm feeling was already enough. His words, the sympathy in my mom's chinky eyes, the disappointment in my sibling's face. I can't stand with it. It's just tears me apart. Mas lalo lang nilang ipinamumukha sa akin na I'm just a nobody in this family. Compared to them, I'm just a piece of disappointment.

"Go back to your seat and finish your food, Hayami." he commanded.

Hindi ako nagpatinag. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglabas ng dining area. Rinig ko ang pagtawag ni Dad sa pangalan ko. Ngunit imbes na bumalik doon ay dumiretso ako ng akyat sa kwarto. I locked my room's door as I get in. Huminga ako ng malalim at humiga sa malambot kong kama.

Bakit ganoon?Ginagawa ko naman ang lahat. I keep on trying. I keep on doing my best just to make them proud of me. But why isn't still enough for them?

Back when I was a child, I'm an achiever. I awalys make it to the top and i'm good at everything I do. But now that i'm a grown up, I just realized that it's tiring. Because once you fail, you also failed a daughter, as an individual in the society. They judged you by that.