FUMES [2], jj maybank

36. AS IT WAS

     MY PHONE HAS BEEN BLOWING UP.

  My siblings, mom and the boys are spamming my phone. JJ has had to answer some of the calls. Quick responses because JJ and I don't have time for that.

  I've been washing my hands vigorously each time I somehow find myself getting up to go to the bathroom. Her blood feels like it's seeped into my skin and I have no way of getting rid of it. I'm sure the whole island has heard about what happened and who found her.

     The Pogues forced me to sit on the porch with them. Kie and I are intertwined on the couch while Bailey sits on the floor with her head in her hands. JJ is being JJ and trying to cope by being the funny guy.

  I wish I could at least try to do that. My brain is just a flash of her body and the blood on my hands and JJ washing them off when I got inside.

  "Well, hello, princess," JJ's usual nickname for me makes me look around. My eyes land on Sarah. Her eyes sadden when we make eye contact. She's shuffling with her hands. She's nervous after last night.

   "I'm stunned—and really sorry, Sam," Sarah moves some hair from my face and gives me a comforting smile. "Yeah," Is all I manage to get out. "Shouldn't you be on Figure Eight with your little group of polo players?" John B's sasses, "Or did you break up with Topper?"

My eyes stay on the ceiling above me. Just hearing the shit going on around me. "We're just friends," Sarah replies to the jealous John B. "You have a lot of friends, Sarah Cameron—"

  "Yeah, it seems like you've got some of your own too."

   "Alright, what are you doing here?" I can hear John B move forward in his seat. Sarah sighs, "I'm here for Sam and Pope. I think I found the island room."

As much as I wanna move my body—I can't. I simply turn my head in surprise, looking at JJ who has the same expression. "Where, Sarah?" Pope stands up.

  "Tannyhill. It's at Tannyhill," Sarah smiles. Bailey rolls her head back to give me her tired eyes and then rolls her head onto Kie's lap. Neither one of us slept much last night.

  The others get their shit together and get ready and go. Even Bailey gets up with Kie's encouragement. To my credit, I push myself up on my elbows and look around. My body feels like a hangover but worse.

  My head drops. JJ's boots walk towards me and then his face is below me.

  "You wanna join us?" JJ quietly asks. I do. I really do. Piper wouldn't have wanted me to stay frozen. She'd want me to do this. Even if she had no idea about it. My voice feels like it's trapped.

  "I—," I shake my head, "I do. I wanna finish this, JJ," I lift my head to get more of a view of JJ, "She loved me. I didn't love her in the way she wanted me to," My voice breaks and I have to look away, "She became someone I could trust over the past month. Piper backed me up on pretty much anything. Understood me completely—right until the end. I don't even know if she called her parents, JJ but she texted me and I was too busy eating marshmallows—"