COTE Alternative

Vol. 1: Chapter 3.2 - Faint Memories

Entering my room, I dropped my bag on my bed and put my lunchbox on the sink, alongside the bowl that I had used to eat cereal earlier today.

I moved my school bag to the small desk in front of my desk, so that I can lay down, while waiting for the time to pass. I became immersed in my thoughts, reminding myself to what I should be doing. Something is scratching at the back of my head, making me hear its whispers.

You don't deserve to be free. Especially after all that you've done.

What about those you left behind? Those, whom you didn't even bat an eye towards. They must hate you, resent you. You had the strength to save them, and yet you focused on yourself, not remembering their words, her words.

You don't care about others. You call those people your friends, but once they know the truth, they'll hate you as much as you hate yourself.

I tried opening my eyes, but I couldn't. All I could see was an empty white void. But slowly and surely, it became darker and darker, until I couldn't even make out the shape of my own hand. All I could hear for a while was static. It eventually got louder and louder until it blocked out my own thoughts. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't see, hear, smell, nor feel anything. It was all nothingness.

Just like me.

The noise amplified again until I felt like my head would burst. In the distance, I could see a blinding white light. As I went closer and closer, my body ached more and more. Almost like my fingers were getting cut off, one by one. Just as I was about to reach it...

Crack

Everywhere around starts shattering, and I fell into an endless abyss filled with images, objects, people, that I couldn't recognize. The noise in my head keeps getting louder and louder that I couldn't focus on anything else. I looked down, or what I thought was down, to see a translucent piece of glass. I could barely see through it, but I could recognize a smiling young boy playing with a joyful young girl. I kept falling and falling, until I eventually shatter through the glass. My body aching, I land on what appears to be the ground with a thud, as I look around to see where I am at.

I recognized it. The white walls, white floors, white ceilings, I was back at that place again. I panicked as I motioned to get up, but as I did...

I couldn't.

My body felt really heavy as if a weight was on top of it. My legs were weak, and my arms were numb. My vision was blurry as I couldn't make out what was in front of me. I tried to get up with every bit of strength that I had, until eventually I could. My legs were wobbling, but at least I could stand.

I walked forward step by step, across the White Room, until I saw a reflection of my self, sitting alone in the corner sobbing, muttering familiar things.

'Why didn't I do anything. She was my friend, right?'

The boy tried wiping his tears, but more and more were flowing out.

'If she was, then w-why... Didn't I save her!'

The boy snapped, screaming in self-loathing. His hands and clothes were stained with the blood of his peers.

'Why am I so weak?! Why did I have to live?!'

The boys sobs grew louder and louder, until the entire room was filled with them.

'T-they were all... It was my fault...'

I stepped closer and closer to the boy, until I could clearly see his eyes.