Lupin the Third: The Del Monte Ruby

Chapter 1

A grappling cable shot out the open window of the Spanish castle. The anchor latched onto the crenellations of the curtain wall and two figures ziplined across. One was a bearded man in a fedora, looking like the world's greasiest, skinniest Santa Claus with a big white sack on his back. The other was a man in a dress, also with a sack. From the parapets, uniformed officers open fired on the two men. A bullet tore through the sack held by the man in the dress and pieces of silver began to spill out.

"Man! They tore a hole in my bag!"

"Just be happy it wasn't your ass this time," said the bearded man as they soared over the outer bailey where a tiny yellow Fiat waited.

One after another, the two men dropped through the open sunroof; the man in the dress into the driver's seat, and the fedora wearing man into the passenger seat. Their partner, a samurai, sat stoically in the back with his eyes closed, seemingly unperturbed by all the activity around him.

"Some getaway driver you are," said Jigen, tossing the samurai a glare. "Couldn't you at least sit in the driver's seat?"

"You know I can't drive unless the car is already running," said Goemon. "And I don't know how to brake."

"We don't need the brakes for this," said the man in the dress, who was, in fact, none other than the infamous thief, Lupin the Third. "The gas will do just fine." With a near-maniacal grin, Lupin slammed his foot on the accelerator. With a screech of tires, the tiny Fiat tore off across the courtyard.

"You seem to have run into trouble," Goemon tonelessly observed.

Lupin laughed sheepishly as he tore the ruffled maid's bonnet off his head. "They figured us out."

"Because someone had to make a pass at one of the other maids," said Jigen, plucking a used cigarette from the dashboard ashtray and lighting it.

"Oh, come on! Did you see that girl?" Lupin whistled his appreciation.

"Keh. Would've been fine if Goemon had dressed like a maid. That clean shaven face and long, pretty hair..." Jigen glared accusingly at the samurai in the backseat. "You would've made a much better chick. Then we wouldn't have gotten caught."

"I refuse," said Goemon indignantly.

"How come?" said Lupin. "You used to wear disguises all the time."

"When is the last time you remember me doing that?" Goemon challenged.

"Hmm. Part two, eh?" remarked Lupin, glancing in the rearview mirror.

"What?"

"I mean, it looks like round two." Lupin jerked his head back over his shoulder. More armed officers were repelling from the battlements and swarming after them. Several patrol cars turned on their sirens and followed in pursuit of the Fiat.

"So, the cavalry's here, eh? Keh. So much for a smooth job. I knew it would go like this."

"If you knew," said Goemon, "Then why didn't you dress like the maid?"

"Hey. It'll be a cold day in hell when I shave off this beard."

"So, wear a mask," suggested Lupin.

"Tch. It itches," said Jigen scratching his beard at the mere thought.

The Fiat was nearing the drawbridge. The patrol cars were in hot pursuit. Jigen, cigarette clamped between his teeth, half rose from his seat and leaned out the window. Just as the Fiat passed through the gatehouse, the gunslinger drew his gun and fired at the ropes which held the portcullis aloft. The ropes twirled helplessly through the winch and the iron grating fell, blocking the exit. The lead patrol car plowed into the portcullis and the following cars slammed into it from behind.