Hoping [h.s.]

Deterrent.

song for this chapter:
Lover (Don't Let Me Down) - Palace
(link added if you'd like to listen while reading!)
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June 27
(2 weeks later)

Harry

I feel like I'm on cloud nine.

For the past weeks, everything has felt like a fever dream.

It feels as if my heart can't handle how fucking much I've fallen for Jarelle, yet it's become so hard to utter those simple words out loud unless I'm certain she's drifted off in her slumber when I watch her lay against my chest while I trace those eight letters on her skin along with my voice.

I'm sure at this point it's pretty much embedded in her skin just like her tattoos. I also know that even if she doesn't say it either, the way she looks at me through every flutter of her lashes tells me she feels the same way.

Jarelle has been staying at mine, saying it's better to save some gas. Not that I minded in the slightest. If anything, I was already going to suggest she'd sleepover more often.

I'd noticed she'd been struggling a little with her finances lately, so I was quick to open up the doors to my place so she would never have to pick between getting her meals or keeping a roof over her head. This way she would have both.

The stress about getting the approval call from her state rep has been eating her alive. I've watched as she's been slowly self-sabotaging in different ways, making sure they're subtle so I don't notice, but I have.

I know her like I know every line in the palm of my hand.

She's had days where she would not want to eat unless I almost had to feed her myself, some days she'd stay out for hours on end on the fire escape just staring at the sky, there were days even where she would beg me to stay home whenever I'd have to leave and just hold her so she wouldn't be alone.

I've always been there to help her not get wrapped up in her thoughts, distracting her by trying out new recipes for breakfast, lunch, dinner and sometimes dessert. We've done multiple movie marathons, listened to endless vinyls and read over a dozen books between the two of us.

She's been smiling a little more lately, her laughter being music to my ears whenever she comes out of that shell every other day.

I know she trusts me just as much as I trust her, which is why I'm sticking around whenever she gets like this, but also giving her the space she deserves to sort herself out before opening up to me.

I know that day will come soon, I just hope it doesn't happen when it's too late.

I think she often forgets how well I can read her.

She has tried to open up, though.

She'll tell me about her worries, more so now with her considering getting a second job and it interfering with our quality time.

I reassured her on multiple occasions that we could make it work regardless of the situation, but she was adamant about how she wanted to give me her best, but it was hard for her to see it.

I wish she'd know that when I asked her to be mine, I knew what I was signing up for.

I was all in. The good, the bad, I wanted it all as long as it was with her.