Savagely Inhibited

fifteen

Ender.

I stood in the office, looking at all the information I could find on my relatives who had the curse. None were alive, but they all seemed to outlive those who were born before and after them.

The longest to live it seemed was before me, and they lived for two hundred something years. I couldn't imagine...living that long. Except there has to be a point and reason as to why they died.

Why such long lives? Why stretch it that far?

As I read on I could see the gaps. They were painfully obvious and my ancestry was poorly kept track of, especially when it pertained to those cursed. You could see the neglect and hatred towards us.

I still don't even know why...

I sat down in my chair, sighing in frustration. I can't even ask for help because I know the Luna will be fucking useless.

No one has ever been able to figure out the main reason for the curse. It was just buried back in time. Everyone who would possibly know of it, is dead. I've already seen everyone's minds in my family and they all are even more clueless than me.

It's just a genetic build up of hatred towards the cursed, even if they don't know why they hold such hatred to begin with. If I was to meet someone with my condition and I was not in this predicament in this family...would I be understanding to them?

It irritates me that I can't even imagine how I'd behave. Would I hate them too? Because that would mean I hate myself in a way.

Of course...I hate the predicament I am in. I don't deserve...to be in this state and in this suffering. Maybe I'm just going about it all wrong!

My other relatives in my predicament have kids, but it seems to be sporadic. The one that died before me, was my dad's father. He has the curse and died before I was born. Then I was born and I had the curse.

His dad, my grandfather despite how old he was...lived for so long! He had so many kids and seemed to make something of himself, but did he really?

There was still hate from our family, but he was loved by who? Humans? Other werewolves that just come to use and abuse you? What kind of way of living is that? Some people can accept that, but I can't.

I want fucking answers.

Except how can I get them when no one wants to help me? I'm the only one who seems to want to understand what happened here. All everyone wants to do is hop on the hate train.

...

I'm tired.

"Ender?"

I look, seeing Warren looking at me with confusion. It was dark in here with the blinds open. The TV played so there was light in here, but it wasn't the much and it was muted so it was silent.

I could tell he was worried for me as he held that look of concern.

"What is it?"

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"Why aren't you asleep?" I question him instead. "You're the human, not me. I can stay up as long as I want. If I want to sleep it's because I am bored or want to, not out of exhaustion or to gain energy."