Restart | Akaashi Keiji

〚1〛

"I quit." I half-shouted to the brown-haired manager everyone referred to as the witch.

After two weeks of 14 hour work days filled with constant screaming from the witch, I was over it. I was losing my sanity.

Walking out of the 20 story offices onto the busy streets of downtown Tokyo, I couldn't help myself but to think. 

Why did I move here again?

Oh... right.

I moved to Tokyo with him. My fiancé. The man who took all my firsts. 

I met him in university. He was sweet then, but after a few weeks of crying about, I have come to realize that what I felt wasn't really love. I confused the adrenaline of doing something I haven't done before, with love. I confused my feeling of getting used with sadness and anger.

But who knows, it's not like I know what love is now. I still don't. 

One thing I do know is, love doesn't force you to stay. 

He convinced me to leave my family back in America, to come to Tokyo with him.

Then he took every single cent I brought here with me.

"You can't leave me, I can't live without you. I'll kill myself. And it will be your fault." I cringed, remembering what he said to me two weeks ago.

I'm glad I got out of there, even though he still took two of my paychecks after that.

"April 10, 2018" The date was printed on the big bright digital billboards on the streets of downtown Tokyo.

I headed down to the subway station for the train home, just thinking.

What can I do now? I can't ask my dad for any more help than I already have. 

I was ashamed. 

I boarded the pristine train filled with office workers  heading home after a long work day. It was quiet.  Looking around, I could see some people with earphones on, and others dozing off. 

"I'm proud of you, Sera. You're the first to graduate with a degree in our family!" Dad's voice was loud and clear the day of my graduation. He had never smiled so wide before. He had never said anything of encouragement to me before. I felt a sense of overwhelming guilt.

So what? ...I haven't exactly done anything meaningful after that. I couldn't start anything without experience. Turns out, having a degree doesn't help at all if you don't have any experience. I've been stuck doing temp positions in big companies since moving to Tokyo. It wasn't really anywhere near enough to survive here.

Stepping off the train as I reached my stop, I decided to head to the bathrooms before walking 20 minutes back home. 

I stared at the mirror, looking into my reflection. I took off my hair tie, letting my long black hair rest on my back. I had my everyday make-up and light brown lenses on, which was beginning to dry my eyes out from the long day of work. Can't wait to take it off when I get home!