Rise of the Werechipmunks (ONC 2022)

In Which Sophie Discusses Soulmates

 "Okay, hold on. Let's get this straight." Sophie turned the pencil over in her hand. She'd found a backpack tucked inside a closet. Except for the severed hand clinging to the strap, it was good as new, filled with pencils, papers, and what looked like a diary. "This"—she pointed to a fanged smiley face drawn on a sheet of paper—"is Eric."

NO. THAT—

Her finger moved on its own accord, jamming the pencil into the paper. One of Eric's Fangs ripped. The pencil lead cracked.

—THAT IS HUNTER.

Sophie frowned. "I'm pretty sure that's Eric."

THAT'S HIS FAKE NAME. HE'S IN DISGUISE.

"...Oh." Sophie glared down at the fanged smiley face. So Eric wasn't just a bad conversationalist who happened to walk into success without doing any work. He was a vampire.

He was also a liar, but that didn't seem nearly as important.

"You're sure it's not Cora?" Sophie tried to keep from whining, but it was getting hard. Was it possible to reverse your werewolf transformation? She wasn't sure that she could stick with Silver for much longer. "I really think Cora would make more sense."

BAD HUMAN. HUNTER IS SOULMATE. NO ONE ELSE.

"But... What if I don't like him very much?"

A faint whistling noise came out of her ear. Sophie shook her head from side to side. "Are you howling at me?"

IT IS A FEARSOME ROAR, SILLY HUMAN. IT IS A SIGN OF RAGE AND POSSESSIVENESS AND ALL THINGS THAT ARE GOOD IN THIS WORLD.

Silver sounded like a teakettle, Sophie decided. The resemblance was uncanny. If it wasn't coming from her ear, she probably would've laughed. "It's very fearsome," she said, with as much sincerity as she could muster.

THANK YOU.

Silver went quiet.

Sophie tapped her pencil against the page. If Eric—Hunter—was her soulmate, where did that leave her love life? Should she kiss the next person she saw or would that be cheating? Was it even cheating if the only thing drawing them together was their soulmate bond?

The pencil fell from her hand. She'd been so sure she'd gotten it right. Cora would've made a great soulmate, but apparently, Hunter, Eric's vampire alter ego, was the one. It was fine. Obviously. She'd have her epic love story.

And that was what she wanted. Right?

Sophie groaned, kneading her palm against her forehead. This whole thing had gotten way too complicated way too fast. First, she had a werewolf soulmate—which was great! Fantastic! Why hadn't her love story ended there?—and then he got eaten by a werechipmunk, she turned into a werewolf, and now she was plotting to kill off the Alpha King with his ex who had breasts the size of watermelons and she still didn't have a proper love interest.

Perhaps comparing Nicole's breasts to watermelons was a slight exaggeration. Sophie sighed. Very large coconuts, maybe. She wondered, briefly, how Nicole's spine was doing; it was under an awful lot of pressure.

Footsteps pounded in the hall. Damn it. She'd wanted another second or two—an hour at least if she was being honest—to get her thoughts straight. She wasn't together right now. She wasn't ready.

The door flew off its hinges and shattered against the wall. "Meat. My most delectably charred and roasted meat." Zach-Xavier-Xane swept into the room. "How are you feeling?"

Sophie gave him a thumbs up. "Better than that door."

"Huh?"

"Because you broke the door." She waved a hand towards the shattered remains of the door, only to notice that her hand was bleeding. Her hand was bleeding quite a lot, actually. A wooden spike was stuck in the center of her palm.